


Chasing Dreams

by iblamekenny



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:51:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iblamekenny/pseuds/iblamekenny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Lennon once said, “A dream you dream alone is only a dream, a dream you dream together is reality.”</p><p>Clarke (18) and Bellamy (23) have an ocean between them, but suddenly they both start experience dreams they have never had before. Despite the fact that they never have met still they feel a really strong bond for another in the dreams, the theory of soulmates is a forgotten memory as they have been told about it as children. Their lives are the opposite from one another, as Bellamy is studying to become a teacher while living happily with his girlfriend. Clarke is on the other hand trying to forget her dark past and feeds of the action that comes by selling drugs. Although they are different from each other these dreams will affect their lives both positively and negatively, but will they find a way to each other despite the circumstances?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (We do not own any of the characters from the tv show and book “The 100” all work involving the characters belong to Jason Rothenberg and Kass Morgan. This is fanfiction and has nothing to do with the real actors.)

Does the universe have a plan to bring soulmates together? Is it something so powerful and strong that we could never really comprehend what it could do?  
In this universe and on the planet earth, filled with billions of people with different dreams and journeys in their lives, there is something really powerful yet unknown for most people. The universe bring soulmates together by dreams, to experience this both of the persons must be ready, which means that some may never get the chance to ever dream about- or encounter their soulmate. The dreams involving the soulmate will not stop until they meet, which can be both mentally and psychically strenuous. But mostly it can be the most beautiful thing to ever happen in their lives.

 *

_The sun was blazing in through the window, hitting Bellamy in the face. Groaning slightly, he turned in the bed, rolling onto his stomach. The blankets were halfway off his naked body, but the air was warm so it didn’t matter. Everything felt soft; fuzzy… he had a feeling of contentment he hadn’t felt in a while. He could feel the presence of another body next to him, could feel the slight dip in the mattress, warmth radiating by his side. Never had his bed felt so comfortable, it was almost like it wasn’t his. Eyes still shut; he turned his head to the left, facing the person next to him. A scent of vanilla and something else wonderful breezed over him and he inhaled deeply, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. Opening his eyes, he was met with the most spectacular sight. A woman, perhaps a few years younger than himself, was lying next to him on her stomach. Her eyes were still closed, long eyelashes casting shadows over her cheeks. Her skin was much lighter than his, so was her hair, which looked golden in the sunlight. She appeared to be mostly naked too, as her bare back was exposed, the blankets having slipped down to her waist. Bellamy’s heart leaped in his chest. No words, in any language, could possibly be strong or good enough to describe just how wonderful she looked and how her mere presence made him feel so at ease. Suddenly her eyes fluttered slightly, opening slowly. Her eyes were blue, like the ocean on a summer’s day and Bellamy wanted to dive in. She looked at him for a moment, then she smiled and reached out a hand for his to take. He wanted to take it, to entwine their fingers but he was frozen to the spot. Trying with all his might, he couldn’t reach out to her. The image, so light and wonderful, was slipping away from him. Desperately trying to hold on, he tried gripping onto things but everything just fell out of his hands. He could hear something, far away, like an echo. It was calling his name… he knew that voice…_

 "Bell?"

"Bellamy?"

Bellamy’s eyes opened and he gasped, the blankets twisted around his body in the most uncomfortable way. Feeling slightly claustrophobic, he pulled himself free from them in a desperate manner before looking up at the eyes of the person who had just spoken.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Danielle, his girlfriend of two years were staring down at him, her black hair tickling his face as she bent down to kiss his head.

“Hey, what time is it?” He asked, sitting up, his heart pounding slightly faster than usual from the dream.

“Just past ten. I’m going to work and just wanted to say goodbye.” She smiled, her brown eyes flickering.

He nodded, running a hand down his face. “Okay.” Smiling, he reached up and cupped her face in his hands, pulling her down for a kiss. She giggled into it, tipping forward onto the bed, hovering over him. His hands traveled from her face down her sides, grabbing a hold of the hem of her shirt, sneaking a hand underneath it, touching her skin.

She grabbed his hand before it got very far, pushing it away. “Nuh uh.” She smirked, shaking her head. “I can’t be late, Bell.”

Sighing, he gave up and let her go. “Fine.”

“See you tonight.” She smiled, kissing his cheek and standing up, smoothing down her shirt.

He nodded, smiling back at her and laughing at her wink before she left. Sighing, Bellamy fell back onto the bed staring up the ceiling. His mind was still clouded by the dream, never had something been so vivid or seemed so real. He vaguely remembered some scientist saying that the mind can’t make up faces, so every person we’ve ever dreamed of we have seen; whether we’ve just walked past them or had actual conversations with them. But Bellamy couldn’t for his life remember ever seeing that blonde woman, thinking he should have remembered if he had. His grumbling stomach interrupted his thoughts. Shrugging, he forced himself out of bed to make some breakfast. His bedroom looked nothing like the one in his dream: this one had dark wallpapers and a creaky bed made of wood. In fact, his and Danielle’s whole apartment could be compared to a shoebox. They had tried to give it more life with paintings and other, lighter wallpapers in the living room. Living in New York was expensive and if you wanted to avoid the creepy neighborhoods where most illegal activities took place, you had to settle for a less fancy apartment. He put on some sweatpants before going into the kitchen. With the sunlight seeping in through the window, there was no need to turn on the lamp. Bellamy turned on the radio, the only source of music they could afford, and hummed along to some catchy song he didn’t know the name of but he’d heard a hundred times as he began cooking eggs.

 -

 Clarke was waiting behind an old abandoned house in the middle of London, her hands soaked in sweat and she frantically tried to wipe it off on her grey hoodie. The sudden heatwave could easily be mistaken for anxiety, like a normal human being would have felt when about to break the law. But no, criminal acts came natural as day to Clarke and if it wasn’t for the fact that she had just been running two blocks she probably wouldn’t have been sweating at all.  
Suddenly a young, tall, blond-haired boy walked towards her, his steps fast. He glanced at her, his eyes wide and desperate. 

 “Hey, do you have it?” He asked, breathing heavily. 

 Clarke reached into the pockets of her hoodie, searching for the small transparent bag filled with cocaine. She looked around her, making sure no one was watching before discreetly handing it to the man, her hand accidentally touching his. He was cold as ice, making Clarke shiver through her whole body. He nodded and then handed her the money, which she took it and smiled at him. Though dealing drugs didn’t bother her, the addicts that came to buy sure as hell did. It almost made her feel bad, feeding into their addiction… but hell, she needed the money.

 “Thank you, Clarke, you are my best dealer out here.” He said in a raspy voice.

She never really wanted to do this, but she had to. It was her only choice and it also was the only thing that brought any excitement into her life, to make her feel alive, even just for a moment. The danger of doing something illegal made Clarke feel human. Hell, she probably wouldn’t argue with being called an adrenaline junkie. She had tried cocaine once or twice, which only taught her that she preferred selling instead of doing.

Suddenly she felt raindrops landing on her forehead, she looked up at the sky and she was not surprised that the sky was filled with dark clouds. The man had left minutes ago but Clarke could still not bother to move from the spot. The rain became heavier and sounds of thunder filled her ears. The rain made her blonde hair stick to her face and her eye makeup smudge. Clarke felt nothing in that moment: no anger, no fear, no hate and no sadness. Just emptiness, as if the rain washed away every tiny bit of guilt from her shoulders. 

 But she could not stay there, it would not be safe for her and she had to get back to the apartment anyway, to join the others. Clarke walked fast down the street, avoiding stepping into a puddle of water with her new Nike shoes. Strangers walked past her without glancing at her, she had always felt invisible so she was used to it. Clarke did not want any attention on her anyway, because of her lifestyle, so she walked as fast as she could. When she finally reached her destination she walked through the old brown door leading into the high rise. She met a neighbour in the hallways, whom nervously smiled at her and walked towards the door as fast as possible. To the neighbour’s surprise Clarke did not bother to say anything, she knew no one around here really liked her or her roommates. Reaching into her pockets, looking for the key, she realized she had forgotten it at home. Sighing in annoyance, she knocked at the door. 

 “Well hello there, Clarke.” Jasper said in a fake-happy voice as he opened the door. He smelled like smoke and alcohol. Clarke smiled sarcastically, knowing he was wasted again.

 She took of her shoes and tried to place them somewhere on the floor that was not filled with dirt. No one really bothered cleaning which resulted in that the apartment looked more like a dump than a home. To her surprise both Octavia and Murphy were there as well, which was unusual since everyone usually had business to take care of. 

 “Hey guys, I would love to join you, but I am exhausted so I’m going to bed.” Clarke said while spotting the bottles of alcohol on the kitchen table. She gave them a smile; in hope no one would bother following her. 

 “Yea sure honey?” Octavia asked and winked at her. Clarke turned around, hoping Octavia would get the hint that she was not in the mood for anything now. 

 Clarke entered the bedroom and took off all her clothes expect her underwear and threw the sweat stained clothes on the messy wooden floor. She laid down in the cold double sized bed and just observed the room for a moment. It was small, only fit one bed and a small wardrobe. The window had no curtains but a venetian blind that always seemed to be down. She was too tired to think about this place, all she wanted was to drift away and sleep, to leave this world for some hours. Which she did, as her eyelids slowly closed...

 

  _“Clarke!” A deep male voice said, making her turn around in attempt to find the source of it._

 _“Clarke, look, isn’t it beautiful?” The voice said again. She turned around but could only see the view of green grass and people around her sitting on small blankets. She was in a park and the air was filled with scent of flowers and freshly cut grass. Suddenly she could see him, he was sitting right next her, as if he suddenly had appeared out of nowhere. He was pointing on something in the distance but she could not see whatever he wanted to show her. Clarke observed him; she had never seen him before, yet in some strange way she felt like she had, either way his beauty took her breath away. His dark curly hair and deep brown eyes along with the freckles dusted on his perfect skin made a shiver pass through her body._  
_They were having a picnic, Clarke noticed looking down at the basket filled with paper-wrapped sandwiches. She wanted to touch him, to make sure he was real. It felt real, but no matter how much she tried to, her hand seemed to be stuck on the pale blue colored blanket. He turned around from whatever he was trying to show her and looked at her. Clarke felt her heartbeat increase as he smiled at her._

_“It doesn’t matter, all I want is to be here with you, and you are by far the most beautiful view here.” His gaze dropped to her lips. Clarke tried to move once again, this time with success. She placed her hand on his cheek, staring into his eyes._

_“Who are you?” she asked, not sure whether the question was targeted to her or him._

_“You will know, one day.” He said in a sad yet hopeful voice before placing his hands over hers, smiling softly and moving her hands away from him. He stood up and looked at her for a moment before turning around and walking away, leaving Clarke with certain emptiness in her chest._


	2. Chapter 2

Studying to become a teacher had seemed like a good idea when Bellamy had just started. He still had the dream and ambition to become one but the whole theory part of it was way less fun than the practice. Right now was another painful reminder of how boring it could get, as he had spent the past hour and a half with his face buried inside a book. He was certain he had read the same sentence twenty or so times as his concentration wasn’t the best at the moment. A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind, his girlfriend’s face burying in the space between his neck and shoulder. He smiled, placing his above hers, hugging her back.

“Hey.” He said.

He could feel her smile against his skin. “Hi.” She whispered, kissing his neck. “How’s it going?”

Shutting his eyes, just enjoying her presence, he inhaled her scent. “Hmm…” He hummed, leaning back against her. “Not so good.”

“I think you need a break.” She whispered against his ear, making him shiver.

“Yeah?” He whispered.

She nodded, turning his head with her hand and pressed her lips to his in a deep kiss. Danielle smelled like coconut and her olive skin matched his dark complexion rather perfectly. It was a smell that usually drove him crazy, but lately it hadn’t had quite the same effect. Despite that she was still beautiful and Bellamy’s feelings for her were strong, he supposed he was just tired from working so hard. He stood up, tangling his hands in her dark hair, tugging slightly which drew delicious sounds from her. Somewhere on the way towards the bedroom Bellamy lost his shirt and Danielle lost her dress. The kiss didn’t end until her calves hit the bed and he carefully pushed her onto it, hovering over her, smiling down at his girlfriend. Her dark eyes, were locked onto his and her red lipstick was slightly smeared.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, kissing her forehead.

She blushed, biting her lip. “Shut up.” She laughed and switched their positions so she was on top. She straddled him and reached back, her eyes on his the whole time, and unclasped her bra, with slow movements taking it off and almost teasingly dropping it onto the floor. She smirked and leaned down again, kissing him once more, her hand sliding down his stomach towards his belt.

-

“Hey, princess, have you seen my black shirt?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, looking at a very shirtless Murphy. “Murphy, you only have black shirts.”

“Yeah, but the one with the short folded sleeves.” He ran a hand through his messy, brown hair, which had grown past his cheekbones.

“Haven’t seen it.” Clarke shrugged, stretching out her legs on the old, broken couch. “What did you do to your hair?” She asked, looking at the dread-like twists on top of his head.

“You like it? I did my own dreads.” He grinned.

She laughed. “It looks hideous!”

“It’s good enough for Jasper.” He wiggled his eyebrows and rolled his hips in a rather sexual way.

“Gross.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Princess, how did you become a criminal, huh? So prude and all.”

“I’m not prude.” She raised an eyebrow again. “I could sit here and tell you about mine and Octavia’s sex life, but your gay arse probably doesn’t want any details about pussys.”

“My _arse_ doesn’t like to be labeled, sweetie, I’ve had my fair share of pussy.” He winked and started checking underneath all the dirty clothes scattered around the livingroom. “Where is my bloody shirt?” He mumbled to himself.

Monty stepped into the room, his hair sticking up in all directions. “Well, I’m heading out. Got work to do.”

“Could you pick up some coke on the way home?” Murphy asked, interrupting his search to look at Monty.

Monty frowned. “I thought you were done with drugs?”

“I meant the drink, dumbass.” Murphy said dryly.

“Right, sure, if there’s time for it.” Monty said, picking up a big, black bag. “See you.”

“Bye!” Clarke called after him. She leaned over the coffee table and grabbed a bowl of salted nuts leftover from last night and began eating them. Her eyes traveled over the room, it looked messier than ever. She hadn’t been home long enough in a quite a while to really take in the atmosphere, but now that she did it looked horrendous. Stains of God knows what were on the little furniture they had and even splattered onto the walls. Glasses halfway filled with water or alcohol had cigarettes stuck in them and cans of beer stood on windowsills, tables and the floor. The TV Jasper had stolen a while ago had a huge crack in the center after Octavia had thrown a bottle at it in a moment of rage. It was quite incredible what a temper that girl had, it was one of the many things Clarke found so attractive about her.

“Hey.” Octavia announced her presence. Her long, dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing an oversized black t-shirt and nothing else except panties.

Murphy’s eyes widened at the sight of her. “My shirt!” He burst out, standing up from his crouched position on the floor in his search for the shirt.

Octavia frowned at him, clearly still drowsy with sleep, then she looked down at herself. “This one?” She asked, grabbing a hold of it.

“Yes! I’ve spent the whole goddamn morning looking for it. Give it back.” He glared at her.  
“Nah.” She said, walking over to Clarke and joining her on the couch, allowing Clarke’s legs to lay on her lap.

Murphy groaned in annoyance. “Give it back, O, I’m not joking.”

“Didn’t think you were.” She said, her eyebrows raised in boredom.

“Octavia Blake, I swear to God if-“

“Can you two shut up?” Clarke groaned. “Murphy, just wear another one of your million black shirts or go steal a new one!”

“Of course.” He said, eyes narrowed at the two of them. “Princess always defends her girlfriend.”

“I'm not her girlfriend.” Octavia said with a snort.

Murphy rolled his eyes, grabbing a pair of dirty underwear from the floor and threw it at their direction. They landed on Octavia’s lap.

“Very mature, asshole.” She yelled and threw them back at him, hitting the back of his head as he was on his way out. He reached his long finger into the air without turning around as he continued walking.

Clarke ate another handful of nuts, her mind drifting to a certain man she’s been dreaming about for the past few nights. She usually couldn’t remember her dreams and when she could, it was never about the same thing. This nameless man had appeared in every dream and it was starting to unnerve her, though at the same time she enjoyed these dreams. It was exciting somehow, to go to bed and know that she’d get to meet this person who made her feel like all of her problems were washed from her brain and skin. Like those scars on her wrists never existed in the first place, like that gun had never been in her hand – let alone ever fired, like her blood wasn’t poison and like her heart wasn’t filled with sin. It was a dangerous thing; to be more excited to be unconscious than being awake, besides, this man didn’t even exist. He was a creation from her imagination, an escape mechanism. It wouldn’t be her first, although they had never appeared in the form of dreams before.

“Octavia.” She suddenly said, looking at her friend.

Octavia turned her head and faced her. “Hm?”

Clarke stared at her for a moment, forgetting what she was going to say. “Never mind.”  
“You sure?”

“Yeah… yeah, it was nothing.”

"Okay." The brunette shrugged and dug her hand into Clarke's bowl, taking a handful of the nuts, grinning as she shoved all of them into her mouth at once.

-

 

“I’m going to shower, I feel nasty.” Danielle announced and stood up, her hair messy and makeup smudged all over her face. “Will you join me?”

Bellamy looked at her from his position on the bed; the covers only draped over one of his legs. “You go ahead, I think I’m going to have a bath later.”

She nodded and went into the bathroom. He would have invited her to bathe with him, but their bathtub only fit one person. They had tried going in it together once before but there was absolutely no leg room or butt room, and after almost not getting out of the thing and having water tip over the edge, soaking the floor they decided not to ever try that again. One day, though, they had promised, they were going to get a bathtub big enough for two.

He could hear the shower starting and Danielle singing quietly. He stretched and put his hands behind his head, staring at the wall, thinking that he should get up and change the sheets but had no energy to do so. There were plenty of things he should be doing, including studying, but he wasn’t planning on doing any of that right now as his eyelids felt particularly heavy and he could feel himself slowly drift off to a heavy sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's chapter three! I hope you enjoy this one, please leave a comment before you go. Feedback is always welcomed :) x

It was way past midnight and Clarke hadn’t left the apartment once that day, she had spent it watching some stupid show about rich housewives with Octavia. Although O would never admit it, Clarke knew she wished she were a rich housewife; it was the only reasonable explanation for her addiction to the ridiculous reality show. Clarke didn’t really mind that much though; Octavia was one of the few people she actually enjoyed spending time with.  
Jasper stepped into the room suddenly, only dressed in his favorite- but worn out sweatpants.

“Oh, hey there. I didn’t know you two were still awake.” He said in surprise while squinting at the bright light, rubbing his eyes.

“You know we both like to stay up late. It’s the only time a day you pervs leave us alone.” Octavia responded, grabbing Clarke’s breast and squeezed it exaggeratingly, sticking her tongue out and making some obscene gestures. She let go and winked at Clarke, who burst into laughter.

Jasper rolled his eyes, shaking his head with a sigh. “Whatever you say, though I for one have no desire of watching you two get it on.” He said as-matter-of-factly. “I was just getting this.” He said and held up a white t-shirt. “Goodnight.” He turned around and walked with tired steps towards the bathroom.

Clarke looked at Octavia who laughed softly, kissing her cheek. “You’re a real nut job, you know that?” She whispered.

“I know.” Octavia shrugged, yawning and slid further down the couch, resting her head on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke inhaled the green apple scent from her hair and felt calmer somehow. In a matter of minutes she could hear Octavia’s breathing becoming slower and louder, which she recognized very well as her being asleep. Octavia was always vocal about her thoughts and had no filter at all, unlike Clarke, who rather kept things to herself. She had been a lot more introverted when she first joined the gang, but being around such open people had opened her up somewhat, though there were still things she did not speak about, not even to Octavia.  
It was nights like these when everyone was either asleep or out on a mission that Clarke’s mind tended to drift, drift back to the darkest parts of her mind where the memories and feelings she rather kept buried lived. She tried to distance herself from it, but sometimes she couldn’t and the moment that changed the way she saw herself for good replayed in her mind…

 _It had been a sunny day in London, Clarke were heading to a place in the city where there wouldn’t be much attention brought to her. As always when she had someone to sell drugs to, it was important to lay low to avoid being seen by people. Things could go terrible wrong then, Clarke was aware of that._  
_She had walked with fast steps to the destination she was supposed to meet with a certain person Monty had described to her. Behind her dark sunglasses dark circles were visible from her lack of sleep. With every step she took she had felt the gun, held in place between her pants and skin, hidden underneath her leather jacket. Murphy had been the one to give it to her earlier that day, just in case. She had felt secure somehow, having that gun with her that had the power to take as many lives as the bullets would allow. It would protect her; keep her safe._  
_The traffic and the amount of people on the streets decreased, a sign that she was getting close. Clarke let out a deep sigh while searching the area for the person, there was only old brick houses and a black gate visible. She felt sweat roll down her forehead, in fear that something may have gone wrong. When she almost lost her patience and turned around to leave the person emerged from the corner. It was a woman; she was thin and had long braided black hair. Clarke walked towards her, prepared to hand her the drugs as fast as possible. She had already been there too long._

_“You’re late.” She had said in annoyance._

_The woman had sighed. “I know, had a bit of a situation I had to take care of.”_

_Clarke had rolled her eyes and stuck her hand in her pocket, searching for the bag but just then she froze dead in her tracks. Footsteps were approaching fast, Monty hadn’t mentioned anyone else and by one look at the woman Clarke knew that she was just as taken aback by this as she was. Before they could actually do anything an old man dressed in a police uniform appeared a few feet from them, a gun raised in the air. Clarke knew they had been caught._

_“Hey you, I followed you.” He looked at the woman. “I know what you are doing! Stay still, both of you, and put your hands above your head!” He shouted and walked towards them. Clarke had felt her fight or flight instinct kick in at full speed, her mind working furiously to come up with a plan._  
_Clarkes legs started to shake and she saw her whole life pass in front of her eyes. If they would find her, they would find Octavia, Jasper and the others as well. The policeman_ _was getting closer, the woman in braids were still standing in the same spot. Suddenly Clarke remembered the gun, she could never think about doing something so horrible as taking someone’s life. But the police man stared at her with such hatred in his eyes, as if she had already done it._

_“Do it!!” the women screamed, as if she could read her mind._

_She did not even think about it, knowing she would change her mind if she did. As she pulled out the gun the man started running towards her, as if he could get there before the bullet would reach his chest. She aimed it at him and she wanted to look away as she pulled the trigger. But she didn’t, she clearly saw when the man fell to the ground and when the loud noise reached her ear, and when his screams filled the air. Clarke fell to the ground, shaking, still in denial of what she had done. The gun dropped to the ground, with a loud thud. She had felt panic fill her body, her heart beating so fast she thought she would die right there and then; just a few feet away from the man. As she tried to catch her breath and calm down she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up, scared that someone might have seen her terrible actions._

_“Hey, it’s alright.” The woman’s voice startled Clarke. She had no fear in her voice._

_The woman helped Clarke onto her feet again which made the sight of the man visible. Who now laid on the warm asphalt: dead. Tears were falling down her cheeks, she couldn’t control herself, she couldn’t breathe. The woman turned around, making Clarke face her instead of the life she had just taken with her bare hands._

_Clarke looked at her, her eyes burning with anger. “You knew.” She had said through gritted teeth._

_“No, I thought I lost him. Listen to me, he was not a cop. There’s a gang around here who fights criminals on their own disguised as policemen. They’ve been after me and my guys for weeks. I saw him on the way here, recognized him immediately so I ran and took the longer way here. I thought he wasn’t following me-“_

_“But he was and he almost killed us both.” Clarke’s hands were shaking. She had to get away now. Without much else of a thought she ran, as fast as her legs could manage. She shoved the gun back in her pants and prayed to God, if he still cared about her, that the people in the city hadn’t heard the gunshots. She didn’t get to find out as she ran around the whole thing to avoid people as much as she could on her escape, looking behind her repeatedly to make sure she wasn’t followed._  
_People were staring at her as she reached the crowds again, unable to avoid them anymore, probably unaware of what she had done ten minutes ago. She felt the pain and guilt grow inside of her like a tumour. She would never be herself again, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. All she had wanted was to forget, to find a way to end the pain and guilt she felt._

_-_

 

 

“Babe, come look at this!”

Bellamy got up from his position on the armchair in their small living room and walked into the kitchen, where Danielle was sitting in front of her laptop.

“What is it, honey?” He asked, looking over her shoulder at the screen.

“You know how you’ve been saying you’re so tired lately?” She said, looking up at him, smiling.

He raised an eyebrow, smiling softly. _“Yeah?”_

“I was looking at flight tickets just for fun… and I saw this.” She pointed at the screen. “It’s a trip to London for only $49.99 back and forth!”

Her eyes were shining so bright with happiness that it broke Bellamy’s heart and her smile was so wide he thought her beautiful face might just split in two.

“Dani…” He said softly, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her lips ever so softly. “I would love to go to London with you, but we can’t.”

Her smile fell and she frowned, looking up at him in confusion.

“I have too much right now, with studying and everything… there’s no time. I’m already behind because I’ve been slacking and-“

“Right. Of course.” She cleared her throat and moved away from him to click down the page. “It was stupid, really, I shouldn’t have suggested it.”

“Hey, stop, I want to go but we can’t. I’m sorry.” He grabbed her hand, squeezing it softly.

She nodded, forcing a smile. “Yeah. Maybe some other time.”

“Definitely some other time. We will go on a vacation together, I promise.”

“You’ve promised a lot of things, Bell, it’s dangerous.” She said, standing up. She was almost the same height as him just an inch or so shorter.

“I know.” He nodded. “And I intend to keep each and every one of those promises. I have so far, haven’t I?”

She smiled softly. “Yeah, you have.” She kissed his forehead. “Can we order in? I’m not feeling like cooking today.”

“Of course.” He said, grabbing his phone. “Pizza? Chinese?”

“Pizza.” She bit her lip.

“Pizza it is.” He grinned and dialed the number, ordering the usual.

Danielle sat down once more by the kitchen table, resting her head in her hands.

“Are you alright?” Bellamy asked once he’d hung up.

“Me? Yeah, just fine.” She had certain bitterness to her expression.

Bellamy walked around the table slowly; he knew that look all too well. “Dani?”

“I just feel like… like we’re drifting apart.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Drifting apart?” He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Look, I get that you’re busy and stuff and that we don’t have a lot of money but you don’t even want to shower with me anymore which we always used to and now you don’t want to go on a vacation with me and I almost have to beg you to be with me and-“

“Hey, hey.” He stood up and immediately wrapped his arms around her. “That’s not true. I love you… I always want to be with you, always. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Sorry.” She murmured against his shoulder. “It’s just been a long day… the costumers were horrible at the store, so rude and this lady kept yelling at me…” She furrowed her brows. “I’m really just really emotional, okay? It’s that time of the month and you know I get really crazy.”

Bellamy pulled away but kept her at arm’s length, smiling at her, laughing softly. “I know. It’s okay.” He ran his thumbs under her eyes, brushing away tears that weren’t there. “Food makes everything better.”

“It really does.” She said, nodding and letting out a sound, which were a mix of a sob and a laugh.

He kissed her cheek. “Come on, let’s get cozy on the couch while we wait for the pizza.”

She nodded, taking his hand and allowed him to lead her into the living room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again, here's chapter 4. Enjoy! :)

_Giggles echoed somewhere close, yet far away; it was a very strange yet pleasant sound. The sunlight was once again in his eyes, but this time he was outside. He could feel the soft, warm wind blow against him and the fresh air smelling like summer._

_“Get up, silly.” Bellamy heard a beautiful, British, female voice say._

_He looked up and saw the blonde woman again, with the blue eyes and wonderful smile. She was reaching out to him, as if to help him up. The sun was like a halo around her head and she looked like an angel. Green trees were behind them and the grass he was lying on was the same color and softer than any grass he’d ever felt. He grabbed her hand, the touch sending electric pulses through his whole body. She pulled him up and being in a standing position he noticed that he was much taller than her, she had to tilt her head to look up at him._

_“Where are we?” He asked, looking around. He couldn’t recognize it, but it looked like a park. There were people around: sitting on benches, walking their dogs or playing with their children. The sky was the color of her eyes, it seemed like a fairytale world. It was impossible for the real world to be that beautiful._

_She smiled wider at him, her teeth showing. “Where do you reckon?”_

_“I don’t know.” He said, shrugging and looking around._

_“Perhaps it doesn’t matter.” She said, taking his hands once more. “We are together, aren’t we?” Every sound was muffled, except for her voice, like the world centered around them. She was wearing jeans with holes at the knees and a white tank top. Her leather jacket was lying on the grass._

_He bit his lip, feeling lightheaded and so peaceful being in her presence that he wondered how any of it could be real. Not even in his most happy moments could he remember feeling this joyful. She was right, though; it didn’t matter where they were as long as he got to be around her._

_“Who are you?” He asked, his eyes on her. Her blonde hair was blowing slightly in the wind. “I feel like I know you… but I have never met you.”_

_She tilted her head to the left, looking concerned. “Sure know me, silly.” She spoke very softly. “In every lifetime, every universe… you’ve known me, you will know me. Your heart knows that, so does your soul.”_

_He knew he was staring at her like she was crazy. He didn’t mean to, he just couldn’t help it. She was saying such strange things._

_“What?”_

_She smiled again. “We’re getting closer, aren’t we?” She murmured._

_“Closer to what? At least tell me your name.” He said, letting go of her hands._

_The woman sighed deeply, looking sad. “That’s not how it works.” She looked at him through her eyelashes. “A dream you dream alone is only a dream, a dream you dream together is reality.”_

_“Huh?” He shook his head in confusion. “Who said that?”_

_“I’m not sure.” She shrugged and smiled again. “I’m so happy it’s you. You changed my life.”_

_“I did?” He couldn’t help but smiling back at her._

_She nodded. “Isn’t it beautiful here?” She looked around._

_“Yeah, it is.” He said, giving the place another look._

_She looked at him once more, her smile so genuine it reached her eyes. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, making his whole body tingle. He shut his eyes and smiled, opening them when she pulled away._

_“Who are you?” He whispered again, mostly to himself, amazed by her and her effect on him._

_Suddenly everything began to slip from him again. Panicking, he tried to grab onto things but just like the other times he couldn’t keep himself there. Everything was floating away and he was consumed by darkness…_

Bellamy sat up so abruptly in the couch that he strained his neck. “Ouch!” He groaned, his right hand flying up to rub at his sore neck. “Shit…”

Danielle woke up from the sudden movements. She was slightly disoriented for a moment, not remembering that they fell asleep on the couch, the pizza cartons still on the livingroom table with leftovers in them. Her eyes landed on Bellamy and she immediately sat up straight.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I had… a weird dream and I strained my neck.” He rolled his head slowly, wincing.

“Let me see.” She said, pushing his hand away and getting closer to examine his neck. “What did you dream about?”

He thought for a second, unsure whether he should tell her about it or not. Part of him told him that he should be honest with her, but the more rational section of his brain said that his girlfriend probably wouldn’t be too thrilled to hear that he had been having repeated dreams about a blonde woman, so he decided against it.

“I can’t remember.” He lied. A dream had never been so vivid as these ones.

She rubbed his neck. “You should try to move, they say being still could make it worse.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, continuing to roll his neck. “Perhaps it wasn’t that clever to sleep on the couch either.” He laughed softly.

She smiled. “Maybe not. You sure you can’t remember your dream? It surely startled you.”

He looked at her as he rubbed his neck, shaking his head slightly. “No, I really don’t.”

Danielle looked at him for a moment before shrugging. “Well, maybe that’s for the best.”

-

Clarke had barely gotten an hour of sleep last night, her mind too filled with thoughts to be able to relax, and when she finally managed to fall asleep it was filled with nightmares so she kept waking up every fifteen minutes. Clarke felt so exhausted that she could barely keep her eyes open as Octavia kept babbling about some band that recently had announced a new tour, trying to show her images of them from the newspaper. Clarke had a mug of hot coffee in her hands, which kept her warm as she sipped from it every now and then.

“You know, there’s something I would like to tell you” Clarke said absentmindedly as she glanced out through the kitchen window, seeing people rushing up and down the streets.  
Last night had given her some time to think, especially about that warm summers day one year ago. She realized that she could no longer keep it to herself, she had to tell someone or else she would explode. And that someone would be Octavia, the only person she felt a hundred percent comfortable with.

“Sure, what it is? Octavia said and turned her gaze from the newspaper to Clarke.

“Do you remember that summer when I was away for a week and didn’t return any of your calls?”

Octavia gave her a confused smile. “Yeah, you told me your cousin was sick and needed company.”

Clarke sighed, her mind working as she tried to come up with a way to explain the truth about what had happened and that she didn’t actually have a cousin. Hell no, she barely had any family anymore because of her lifestyle.

“O, that wasn’t exactly what happened” She bit her lip, glancing down at the messy kitchen table, which was stacked with old newspapers and cigarettes.

Octavia was now staring at Clarke in concern. She reached for her hand, something she always did when she tried to comfort her. “You can tell me babe, I won’t get angry.” She said and smiled at her, in some magical way managing to calm Clarke down.

And just like that she told Octavia everything. She told her about how she met up with that woman, how the man hade showed up and how it all had gone wrong and how she shot him. She went on about the details about what she had been through the week after and broke down in tears, the memories she had been trying desperately to ignore coming back up and stirring her emotions into a tornado of hurt. She rolled up her sleeves, making her scars visible in the bright sunlight. She felt ashamed of what she had done, but she had been in too much pain after that day that she had fallen back into past behavior. Clarke kept talking, telling Octavia how she had stayed at several motels, barely eating or sleeping.  
A tear rolled down from Octavia’s cheek as she tightened the hold on Clarke’s hand. Octavia didn’t respond, instead she stood up to embrace her in a long, warm hug. Clarke shut her eyes for a second, feeling as if the hug held her broken pieces together for the moment.

“Clarke, you should have told me. This is fucking crazy.” She said as she broke away from the hug, looking at Clarke with just as much empathy and sadness that could be reflected in her friend; as if Clarke’s sadness now was a part of her as well.

“I know, I wanted to, but I was so afraid…” She sighed and glanced at Octavia, who smiled at her. Clarke felt relieved, as if a huge amount of weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Which was exactly what had happened, she was no longer alone with her demons.

“We’re all criminals here, Clarke. Some of us have done worse.” She whispered and walked into the hallway, searching through the mess for something.

“What are you looking for?” Clarke asked and walked after her, in attempt to help her with whatever she was doing.

Octavia almost slipped on an old shirt on the floor, one of the million shirts Murphy owned but never seemed to find.

“For fucks sake!” She cursed in frustration. “Why is this place such a mess?”

“Hey, just let me help you.” Clarke offered in a calm voice, reminding Octavia that she still hadn’t given her an answer.

“Oh, there it is.” She let out a deep sigh in relief, holding her black purse. She stuck her hand into it and took something out, turning around to face Clarke, her hair now messy from searching. Octavia was holding her fake Michael Kors wallet in her hands; she smiled and laughed as if she had just found a treasure. Clarke almost burst into laughter, wondering why the hell Octavia wanted her to see her wallet, which she had seen before, by the way.

“Before you say anything, I want to show you something. I thought since you shared a secret I would share one as well.” She said, her face suddenly becoming serious.

Clarke frowned in confusion; she had never imagined Octavia having any secrets, especially not from her. “You don’t have to…”

Octavia hushed her as she opened the wallet, looking for something, which surely wasn’t money. When she found it she smiled, but as she looked up at Clarke her eyes were filled with sadness.

“Here.” Octavia quickly wiped away a tear from her cheek before handing her a worn photograph.

Clarke looked at Octavia for a moment before observing the picture: it was of a young man. He had short, brown, curly hair and a wide smile. He was maybe ten or eleven in the picture and his brown eyes were shining with happiness. Clarke frowned and then inhaled sharply as realization struck her. She felt the room around her slowly beginning to spin. She recognized this boy; she had seen him in a dream, except he was many years older in that dream.

When no reaction came from Clarke Octavia began to explain. “That’s my brother. We aren’t close anymore. W-well it’s my fault, mostly, he’s better off without me.” She shrugged, her voice thick with emotion.

Clarke didn’t know what was more shocking, the fact that her friend had a brother or the fact that he looked just like the person she had been seeing in her dreams. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t possible, that the man in her dreams were just really similar Octavia’s brother. Yeah, that was the case.

“Why aren’t you close?” She asked, her curiosity getting the best of her, looking up from the picture at Octavia.

Octavia chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Well… I was a pain in the ass.” She laughed bitterly. “Always getting into trouble and since our mom died early and our dad left all the responsibility was placed on my brother… I made it heavier to carry. One day we had a huge fight and he said that his life ended the day I was born.” She inhaled and exhaled shakily, visibly fighting back her tears. “So I left. I couldn’t bear ruining his life, so I thought maybe he could be happy if I just wasn’t there anymore. I left so that he could live, I stopped breathing so that he could.”

Clarke looked at her friend. “I’m sure he didn’t mean any of that. Hasn’t he tried to contact you?”

Octavia shrugged. “I got rid of my phone. Changed my number and moved to another country. He couldn’t find me even if he wanted to.”

“I’m sure he misses you.”

Octavia snorted, shaking her head. “No.” She whispered. “But hey, are you doing to be okay?”

Clarke nodded. “They say the first kill is the hardest. But I can’t imagine ever wanting to experience that again, it must take a true psychopath to do that over again.” She sighed. “Time heals, right?”

“Right.” Octavia smiled softly and held out her hand so Clarke could give her the picture. She put it back in her wallet and threw it into her purse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be focusing completely on Clarke, which means that the next chapter will only be focusing on Bellamy. I hope you enjoy this one! xx

Clarke was seated by the kitchen table with Jasper. They had started off building card houses, which had ended with Jasper using one of the cards to make tiny piles of whatever drug he was doing. The kitchen was even more of a mess than the living room with its dishes stacked all over the counter, even more beer cans and cigarettes, the entire room actually had a constant cloud of smoke that didn’t seem to want to vanish. When Clarke had first moved there she had kept the windows opened at all times to try to get it out but gave up after the first week.

“Fuck this.” Jasper said, sniffling and rubbing his red nose furiously.

Clarke leaned back in the chair, pulling her leg up and resting her arm over her knee. “What?”

Jasper didn’t answer immediately, he just started looking over the table and grinned as he found a small bag with something green. He held it up, giving it a little shake so Clarke could see what she recognized as weed. Wiggling his eyebrows, he opened it and grabbed an object, putting some of the weed into it and began twisting, crushing the grass into crumbles. Then he took one of the sticky papers and poured some into it, rolling it to a perfect joint.

“Want some?” He asked, looking at Clarke as he grabbed a lighter.

Clarke shrugged. “Sure.”

Jasper placed the joint between his lips, inhaling deeply, his eyes shutting. He held the smoke in for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. “That is good shit.” He grinned and handed it over to Clarke. She mimicked his movements and inhaled deeply, holding it in for as long as she could until she started coughing.

“That’s strong, Jasper.” She said, voice hoarse.

He laughed. “Keep it, I’ll make another one.”

“I don’t think so.” Clarke shook her head. “I’m not finishing this one.” She took one deep inhale before handing it back to him.

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged and took it back, making smoke rings.

A loud bang echoed through the apartment as the front door flew open, hitting the wall and then slamming shut. Both Jasper and Clarke jumped in their seats, looking at each other with frowns on their faces. They both mouthed ‘what the hell?’ as they slowly got up from their chairs.

“Hello?” Clarke called out.

She got a groan as an answer and she got the feeling that something was very wrong as she walked out to the hallways her suspicions were confirmed: Monty was back. He was standing right in front of the door, his clothes torn in several places, his hands covering up a wound that leaked blood, his right eye swollen shut and a cut in his lip.

“Monty.” She gasped and ran up to him, catching him just in time as he collapsed into her arms. Jasper ran after and helped her carry Monty to the couch in the living room.

“Let me look at it.” Clarke demanded, pushing his hand away and tearing his already ruined shirt down the middle to expose his front. He had a deep, bleeding cut right below his chest, by his lower ribs. It seemed rather deep and was bleeding heavily. Before Clarke lost contact with her family, her mother had taught her a lot about medical care since she was a very skilled doctor. Clarke had, ever since she arrived, been the one to take care of her friend’s wounds from their missions. She knew exactly what to do.

“Jasper, get me the thread, a needle, pads and some alcohol. Quick!” She ordered. “And a towel.”

Jasper nodded and ran out to get it. Clarke held the remains of Monty’s shirt pressed against his wound. “You’re going to be okay.” She said reassuringly.

“Yeah.” He nodded, his face and forehead shining with sweat. He was breathing heavily, trying to hold back groans of pain. Jasper came running back, his hands filled with the things Clarke had ordered. She grabbed the alcohol, first wetting her hands in it and then grabbing the towel, replacing his shirt with it and pressed it hard against the wound. Monty let out a cry of pain, his chest heaving. Clarke heard Jasper wash his own hands in the alcohol before preparing the needle for her, she had taught him how long ago when they were alone in the house and Clarke had a gash on her back that she couldn’t fix herself.

“Okay, I’m going to fix this now, Monty. You’re going to be just fine.” She looked at him and he nodded again, breathing heavily. “Try not to move so much.”

Jasper handed her the prepared needle and thread. Clarke removed the towel and began sewing the wound shut, which was hard with all the blood gushing out. Monty let out cries of pain each time the needle penetrated his skin, fussing so much that Jasper had to hold him down. It took twenty-nine stitches to close the wound completely and by the time Clarke was done Monty had stopped screaming, exhaustion having taken over. He just lay completely still, breathing slowly, staring at the ceiling with hooded eyes. Clarke took one of the pads and wet it in alcohol to clean the wound off. Her hands and shirt was blood stained, so was the couch, but it didn’t matter because her friend was okay. He was going to live.

“You should sleep now.” She said. Monty looked at her tiredly and nodded ever so lightly.

She smiled softly at him, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “Come on.” She said to Jasper. “Help me take all of this out.” He grabbed the bloodstained towel, the shirt which was dripping with blood while Clarke took the alcohol, used pads and leftover thread and needle.

“He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?” Jasper asked as they walked into the bathroom.

Clarke nodded. “Yeah.” She sighed, taking the shirt from him and threw it into the garbage along with the pads. She threw the towel into the overfilled laundry bin and washed her hands, the blood coloring the water red. “I’m going to have a shower.”

“Yeah, I’ll check on him.” Jasper said, leaving Clarke alone and shutting the door behind him.

Clarke spent a good twenty minutes in the shower that mostly had cold water since paying the bills was already difficult enough for them. She washed the blood off her arms, hair and wherever else it had rubbed off onto her. Her hair was growing long; it became particularly obvious when her hair was wet and straight, as opposed to how wavy it was once dry. She stared at her naked body in the dusty mirror, which rested against the wall on the other side of the shower, once she’d gotten out. She wasn’t thin; she’d always had curves, which she’d learned to love with the years. Turning slightly to the side, she saw her hair stop about two inches above her butt, which was as long as it had ever been. She shrugged and wrapped herself in a towel, drying herself off and putting on clean clothes. She was sure she was the only one, except for maybe Octavia, who bothered to do laundry. She made her way into the living room and saw Jasper sit on a chair next to Monty, keeping an eye on him as promised.

“How is he?” She whispered, while putting her wet hair up into a bun.

Jasper looked up at her. “Seems fine. Been sleeping the whole time.”

“Well, I think we should give him at least an hour. Then we’ll ask what happened.” She said, sitting down on the far end of the couch. Minutes and minutes passed by in complete silence. It was nice to be around Jasper because no one understood silence better than him and when no words were needed. An hour and a half or so later Monty began to stir and eventually his eyes fluttered open. He groaned, trying to roll over onto his side but quickly realized that was not a good idea as pain shot through him. Clarke got up and kneeled by his side.

“Hey, don’t be an idiot.” She said, stilling him by placing her hands on his arms.

Monty let out something between a laugh and a groan. “Right.”

“What happened?” Jasper demanded.

Monty looked at him, sighing. “Fucking beginner’s mistake is what happened.” He said dryly. “The guy came from behind while I was loading the truck and when I turned around he stabbed me. Couldn’t stop him, he took everything. Everything.”

“Hey, that doesn’t matter.” Jasper said. “What matters is that you’re alive.”

“Yeah?!” Monty exploded. “Say that to our bills! How the fuck are we going to pay when we have no money and nothing left to sell! It will take forever to get enough to-“ He interrupted himself by groaning, clutching his wound.

“We’ll figure it out.” Clarke said. “We always do. In the meantime, quit fucking yelling, would you?”

Monty glared at her for a moment before giving up with a sigh, nodding and shutting his eyes. “I can’t believe I let that happen.” He whispered. “I have done this longer than any of you… I would have expected it from anyone but me. Anyone but me…”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Monty. Quit dwelling, alright? Like Clarke said, we’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah…” Monty sighed. “I think I’m gonna crash for another hour or so…”

“I like the sound of that.” Clarke said, standing up. “Don’t yell and for the love of God don’t move around so much.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Monty rolled his eyes.  
Clarke sighed, looking at him as he shut his eyes, shaking her head. He clearly didn’t want to admit how much pain he was in.

“By the way,” She turned to Jasper. “Where’s Murphy?” She figured it would be a good idea to talk to him since he was the one, except for Monty, who had the most contacts within the drug business.

“He went grocery shopping, our fridge is bloody empty in case you didn’t notice.” Jasper said dryly, his eyes still on Monty who where now asleep.

Clarke nodded and went out in the hallway, grabbing a random sweater on the way. She figured she might as well meet him on his way back since she hadn’t been outside that day. As she went outside she noticed that the sun was shining, which was unusual for London. She had to stop for a moment and just enjoy it, her skin craving sunlight more than ever. Shutting her eyes, she inhaled deeply, allowing the warm air to fill her lungs; bringing her warmth and calm. After a minute or so she opened her eyes and noticed that strangers were indeed giving her weird looks so she continued walking, digging up her phone from her jeans pocket, dialing Murphy.

“Hey blondie, what’s the matter? I’m really busy.” Murphy said, sounding awfully stressed.

Clarke laughed softly at the stupid nickname. She hated ‘blondie’ even more than ‘princess’, which Murphy was well aware of. “Don’t even try, I know what you are doing.” She grinned, attempting to make a completely normal situation sound suspicious.

“Oh damn, you caught me. I’m buying drugs in the grocery store, please don’t call the police!” He whispered, making Clarke giggle.

She was now close to the store, which was a nine-minute walk from their apartment. It was the closest one and since Murphy was the laziest person she knew it only seemed rational that he would have chosen that one.

“I’m here now. I’ll wait outside.” Clarke said, seeing the massive amount of people inside the store by just looking through the windows. She hung up and stood in the sunlight checking instagram, which she tended to do when she was bored, though she hardly posted any pictures.  
Suddenly got a funny feeling in her stomach, almost as if someone was watching her. Clarke looked up slowly, carefully looking around, trying not to make it too obvious that she was suspicious. She looked out over the nearly empty parking space, the main road and the street next to her: there was no one watching her, only people walking fast, a man loading his car with his groceries and an old couple sitting on a bench on the other side of the street. She tried to shake the feeling, thinking she was probably just shaken from the whole Monty deal earlier. Just then Murphy emerged from the store with four bags in his hands, filled with groceries.

“That took really fucking long Murphy.” She complained, crossing her arms over her chest.

He stared at her in annoyance. “It’s not my fault that some people are fucking slow. Take two of these, would you? I just want to get home, I’m starving.” He handed her two of the heavy bags to Clarke, she sighed and took them.  
They began walking back to the apartment. Whatever annoyance Clarke felt towards Murphy for keeping her waiting disappeared rather fast as they started talking about other things, making jokes and teasing each other. To someone else, who didn’t know anything about them, they could have looked like just a pair of normal kids, or perhaps a couple, on their way home to cook food together with their dog. Though that was about as far from the truth as you could get. She told him about the situation with Monty and them not having anything left to sell. Suddenly he became serious, he even stopped walking and dragged her into a closed off alley between two large buildings. His green eyes met hers and Clarke felt very uneasy, like something was wrong.

“I was supposed to tell you this sooner but I need you to do something for me. If you do this it will bring us a lot of money, which I hear we need more than ever.” He spoke very quietly.

“I'm in.” Clarke said without giving it a second thought. She knew how badly they were in need of money right now and if she could do anything to help it, she would.

“Clarke, I haven’t even told you what the fuck you have to do yet, it’s not going to be easy.” He murmured, as if he had expected her to immediately turn down the offer.

They began walking again and as they did Murphy proceeded to explain what this mission meant in detail. It sounded fairly simple in theory: she was going to be given ten kilograms cocaine and her job was to get every last bit of it from London and over to New York City, where she would meet a guy who would take it and pay her for it. Though it may have sounded simple she knew it was far from it. It was extremely hard to smuggle that much drugs overseas and almost everyone who did was caught, only those who only had a few grams succeeded as it was much easier to hide. This was risky and both of them knew it. Clarke could tell Murphy hated asking this of her, since he cared about her very much, but she was the only one who could do it since she was the only one with a clean record so far. It was decided: she would do it. Thankfully it was a few weeks left until she was expected to fly out to the United States, which gave them some more time to make a proper plan.  
They reached the front door.

“We can discuss it more later, I will help you.” Murphy said as he searched for the keys in his leather jacket. As he opened the door he changed the subject, starting talking about the delicious frozen pizza he had bought.

“I swear to god if you don’t sha-“

“Of course, Princess, I always share.” He smirked at her as they walked inside.

Clarke put the bag on the kitchen table and went straight to check on Monty, as she had been worried about him while she had been gone. It was dark in the living room and both Jasper and Monty were asleep: Monty on the couch and Jasper on the chair. She walked as quietly as she could to check on her friend; luckily he seemed a lot better. A musty smell filled the room, so she opened the window to get in some fresh air. Jasper’s position seemed awfully uncomfortable on that chair, but despite that he had stayed around for his friend. Clarke often found herself feeling jealous of their friendship, since they always looked out for each other. She looked at them, a small smile on her lips.

“Clarke, the pizza is ready!” Murphy screamed from the kitchen, she could hear him set the table negligently.

“Would it kill you to keep it down?” She said in annoyance as she stepped into the kitchen. “Monty needs to sleep.”

“Please, that bloke sleeps so heavily he wouldn’t notice a bomb go off in the room.” He said, placing the pizza on the table and sitting down.

They ate the pizza, which were still frozen in some places, Clarke didn’t comment on it though, as Murphy had a tendency of becoming livid if anyone criticized his cooking skills. They ate in silence, Clarke felt really tired although the clock was barely four pm.

“I’m gonna take a nap.” She said, throwing the last bit of crust onto the plate. Murphy nodded. She made her way into her bedroom, lying down on the bed, not bothering to change clothes. It didn’t take her very long to fall asleep…

_“Help!” A voice screamed loudly._

_Clarke did not know where the voice came from, she did not even know where she was. All she knew was that she had a desperate urge to find the person and help whoever it was. She was in a forest; it was dark and the air smelled like smoke. It was hard to see and even harder to breathe. She started to run towards the source of the voice, stumbling and almost falling over the stones and the brushwood’s on the ground._

_“Please help, Clarke!” The voice called out again, this time calling her name. Clarke recognized the voice, she had heard it before; she just didn’t knew from where. The smoke got thicker the further she ran, she couldn’t see at all at this point, the smoke making her teary eyed. She was running blindly, her only guide being the screams. Suddenly she stopped. The screams had stopped and she had no idea how to find the person. She stood in silence, listening desperately for a sound that could help her._

_“Clarke.” She was startled by how close the voice was this time. It was as if the person were beside her._

_“I’m here, where are you?” She coughed as the smoke filled her lungs, making it impossible to breathe. She turned around and tried to see, but there was nothing except gray smoke. No one responded, instead she felt something grabbing her ankle. She crouched, trying to see who was there. She felt terrified, she was alone in the woods and someone had her ankle in a steady grip._  
_The smoke seemed to thin out and soon she could make out a brown-eyed young man were lying down on the ground, a tree fallen down on his left leg. She recognized him; he looked relived when he saw her._

_“What happened? What are you doing here all alone?” She asked, her voice shaky._

_The man closed his eyes, as if he was struggling to remember. “I was looking for you. Then suddenly the woods caught fire and this tree fell… I wasn’t fast enough to get away so it landed on my leg.” He explained, now looking at Clarke._

_“But, I don’t understand. We don’t know each other.” She placed her hand on his shoulder, as if a touch would make her remember something she may had forgot, or perhaps comfort him._

_His eyes were filled with tears. “I don’t know, all I knew was that I had to find you. My leg really hurts…”_

_Clarke moved over to the tree, placing her hands onto, desperately trying to move it away from him. But it was ridiculous; anyone could see that no human could move a tree that size without help. She groaned in frustration and pushed with all her might but nothing happened._

_“No, don’t leave.” She heard him say. She frowned and looked at him._

_“I’m not-“ But in that exact moment she felt herself begin to drift. She drifted further and further away from him._

_“Please don’t leave.” He was begging her and she wanted nothing more than to stay, to help him, but it was beyond her control. She was fading away from him and she couldn’t grasp onto anything. He was reaching out to her but she couldn’t reach him, she just kept drifting: away from him and away from the forest. Suddenly there was nothing, just darkness._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW self-harm in this chapter, nothing too graphic. Skip the italicized text in the beginning if you think you may be triggered. Please be safe. xx.

_Scars, standing out like pale patterns against her skin, scars that couldn’t have got there by accident. Bellamy traced the skin on her wrists, following the scar’s pattern, his dark complexion obvious once more against hers. His heart ached painfully, knowing that once she was in such a dark place that she found no other solution than to break her skin and make it bleed. He wished that he could make them go away, make her pain go away but he knew that was just wishful thinking._  
_She grabbed his hands after a while, holding them tightly in hers. He looked up and met her blue eyes, warm despite its cool shade. She smiled softly, rubbing her thumb against his hands in a comforting way, as if to tell him that it’s okay._

_“I’m not there anymore.” She said reassuringly, bringing his hands up to her mouth and kissing them._

_“I wish you never had been.” He said. There was no pity in his eyes or his voice, because he didn’t pity her, he was smarter than to degrade her like that._

_She shrugged. “Life leaves its marks. Sometimes here.” She touched her heart. “And sometimes here.” She touched her wrists._

_Bellamy nodded. “Can I tell you something?”_

_Her blonde hair blew in the wind. They were sitting on a meadow after all, surrounded by trees and blue skies. She nodded, smiling softly._

_“I think I’m falling in love with you.” He admitted, his heart skipping a beat at his own words._

_She didn’t say anything, her smile just widened, her white teeth bared. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. As always when she kissed him his lips seemed to tingle in the most pleasant way, sending jolts of pleasure throughout his whole body. It made him very lightheaded and when she pulled away he had forgotten what he had just said. But it didn’t matter because the edges of his vision began to blur and once more everything was slipping away from him. He had stopped fighting it, knowing he would see her again, so he just let himself get consumed by the darkness…_

Waking up and seeing that Danielle had already gone to work was a strange kind of relief for Bellamy. The last thing he wanted was to have another conversation about his strange behavior and mumbling while asleep. The last few nights she had woke him up and asked him to please be quiet because he was talking so loudly, one night had been particularly bad because he had woken up to an empty bed and found her on the couch in the living room, her pillow wet from crying. Apparently he had talked about another woman and he had spent at least an hour trying to convince her it was nothing. The days after that had been incredibly tense, which would explain why she hadn’t awoken him to say goodbye this morning.  
Bellamy sat up in the bed, running a hand down his face, looking out of the giant window, seeing the sun was already up and shining. He had a worrying feeling in the bit of his stomach, rumbling around, causing anxiety to spread throughout his body. He knew that if he didn’t do something to stop these dreams, he would lose Danielle and he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t deny that he found these dreams quite pleasant, but they were not worth losing his girlfriend for. Standing up, he grabbed a shirt and lazily put it on, walking out to the kitchen to make some late breakfast. While cooking his usual eggs, he tried to come up with strategies to make the dreams go away.

The day seemed to pass by painfully slow, considering how much he had to do. He spent the remaining of the morning studying, occasionally looking at the clock and when it hit three his brain felt deep fried so he decided to take a break to cook some very late lunch. Looking inside the fridge he realized they were in need for a serious grocery run since it was mostly empty. He sighed heavily, scratching his head while thinking of something he could make with the little they had, eventually he decided to make a tuna salad. Cooking had never really been his strong side, his sister he used to cook for all the time could confirm that, he just stirred things together and hoped for the best. He walked out on their balcony, which had a very lovely vision over the other skyscrapers around, with a faint noise of the traffic many stories below and a clear view of the sky. The wind was blowing softly and the air was rather warm as he sat down on a chair by the table, looking out over the traffic while eating his salad. His thoughts wandered to places they shouldn’t be, with the blonde woman. He got a very pleasant feeling in his heart while thinking about her and excitement spread throughout him.  
His phone buzzed and interrupted his thoughts with a text from Danielle.

_I’m working late. Not back until 9. –D_

Usually her texts were filled with warmth and love, ever since that night they had been cold and it hurt just as much each time. Sighing, he texted back an “okay” and that he loves her. He got no reply, which made his stomach turn uncomfortably, and suddenly he wasn’t so hungry anymore.  
A few more hours passed by, which Bellamy spent studying. He also took a trip to the grocery store, where he bought food but also loads of energy drinks. He had found a way of keeping himself from dreaming: staying awake. He would stay awake as long as he could and when he eventually would fall asleep he probably wouldn’t dream anything vivid since his brain would be too tired. There was no science behind this theory, other than his own brain and God knew his grade in science made his teachers cry but he figured it was worth a shot. When he got home from shopping the clock was already seven, which meant that Danielle would be home in two hours. Sighing, he finished catching up with all his work before slumping onto the couch, mentally exhausted. Perhaps a powernap would make it easier for him to stay awake, besides, if he had a dream Danielle wouldn’t know since she wasn’t home. With game of thrones playing on the TV it didn’t take Bellamy long to feel his limbs go heavy and his eyelids shut. Thankfully, his short nap ended up being completely dreamless and he woke up feeling a little less anxious than before. He stood up and stretched his arms above his head, yawning. Walking out to the kitchen, scratching his stomach, he opened the fridge and grabbed an energy drink. Just as he clicked it open he heard the front door open and close. Danielle was home. He inhaled and exhaled, shutting the fridge and going to meet her in the hallway.

“Hey, baby. How was work?”

She was just straightening up from taking her shoes off when he spoke. She looked up at him, removing a strand of hair, which had fallen out of her bun. She looked him over, as if to see if there were any signs of him betraying her in the worst way, when she didn’t seem to find any she proceeded to take off her red coat and hung it on the hook in the hallway.

“Busy. Lots of costumers.” She said, grabbing her purse and walking past him and into the living room where she dropped the bag and then went into the kitchen, opening the fridge. “You shopped.” She stated, looking at him.

“Yeah, I figured it was time.” He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, biting his lip.

She nodded, looking between him and the fridge, raising an eyebrow. “Since when do you drink energy drinks?”

He shrugged. “I drank them all the time when I was younger and working out, figured it was time to begin again.”

“Alright.” She said, grabbing a bottle of water and shutting the fridge. “What have you been up to?”

“Studying, mostly.” He followed her back into the living room.

She nodded, taking a seat on the couch. “Ugh, my feet are killing me.” She groaned. “Damn heels.”

Bellamy sat down next to her, placing her feet in his lap without question and began massaging them. She smiled thankfully at him, taking a sip of her water. “Ohhh, that feels great.”

He smiled at her, working her feet. “You could just wear flats, you know.”

“Nah, I like how tall I become in heels. People find it intimidating.” She smirked, seeming to relax gradually in his presence.

“Well, you can be pretty intimidating if you want to.” He laughed softly. “It’s incredibly sexy.”

She looked at him for a moment, her eyes twinkling in a way he hadn’t seen in a while. Then she laughed and kicked him softly. “Shut up.” She took another sip of water.

He just looked at her, smiling softly. “I’m thinking about going for a jog later.”

“This late?” She raised her eyebrows.

“Why not?” He shrugged. “Like I said, I need to start working out some. Don’t wanna lose my muscle.” He laughed.

“Hey.” She said, sitting up straight and leaning forward to look at him. “You know I didn’t fall in love with you because of your body, right? I would have even if you didn’t have any of this.” She squeezed his arm. “I fell in love with your heart, Bell.”

Swallowing thickly, his heart swelling from her words. Before he met her the only reason girls wanted him was for his body, they had never paid any attention to his personality or the things he had to say. Danielle was the first one, except for his sister, who had. He nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

She leaned in and kissed him softly. “But if you want to go for a run because it would make you feel good, go ahead.” She smiled and brushed his hair out of his eyes, looking at him for a moment before standing up. “I’m going to sleep early, I’m so tired.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure to be quiet when I come back.” He promised.

She nodded. “Yeah. Just please avoid the creepy neighborhoods, okay?”

He nodded and she went into the bathroom. When he heard the shower start he went into the bedroom to change into sweats. On his phone, he plugged in his headphones and clicked on the For you playlist, which Danielle had put together as a surprise for him with songs that reminded her of them and now, about six months later, Bellamy couldn’t hear one of the songs without thinking about his girlfriend. Out the door he went into the dark street with the moon and a few streetlights as his only source of light. They lived in a rather isolated neighborhood and you had to walk at least four blocks to get to the civilization. He could see skyscrapers in the far distance, using them as a goal as he began to jog. The first song that came on the playlist was “Bulletproof Love” by Pierce The Veil. While running, he realized that it had truly been a while since he’d been working out but he kept going, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. As he got closer to the city, his thoughts wandered away from Danielle. There were people on the streets still and some restaurants and bars open, distant chatter could be heard everywhere. The traffic was crazy per usual, you could hear horns honking far away and cars moving in every direction. Bellamy loved New York; he loved the never ending energy, the rush, and the life. Especially nights like these; where his mission was to stay awake.  
He ran past a bakery and stopped dead in his tracks. Slowly, he began walking back, looking at the currently closed bakery. He could see the baked goods through the windows and a memory flashed through his mind, which made his heart skip a beat and his stomach turn uncomfortably…

_“Bell, can we please buy a cupcake? Please, please, please?”_

_Bellamy looked down at his eight-year-old sister, who was looking up at him with her big, pleading hazel eyes, pouting. Her brown hair was up in two pigtails and she was wearing a blue sundress. She looked so adorable Bellamy didn’t have the heart to say no._

_“Yeah, okay. But just one, you still haven’t had dinner yet.” He said, smiling at the way her face lit up. He grabbed her hand and led the way into the bakery. The second they got inside a sugary, sweet scent hit them and made their stomachs rumble and mouths water._

_“Oh!” Octavia exclaimed, running forward to a cabin filled with muffins in all kinds of colors and flavors. She pressed her hands against the glass, licking her lips. “Bell, I want that one!” She pointed at the most chocolaty one in there._

_“Are you sure? That seems like a lot of chocolate.” Bellamy said, laughing softly at his sister’s expression. “Okay, okay. That one it is.”_

_The entire bakery had very bright colors: the walls were a light, pastel yellow and the pastries made it seem like there were dots of each color of the rainbow everywhere. The baker behind the counter walked up to them and put the chocolate cupcake in a paper bag, smiling at Octavia before giving it to her. Bellamy paid, thanked him and then they left. Octavia was wearing a smile so big Bellamy was afraid her face might split in two and she had chocolate all over her hands and face._

_“Well, good thing he put some napkins in the bag as well.” Bellamy laughed and took one out, wiping at his sister’s face._

_She giggled. “I love you, Bell. Thank you.” She smiled and Bellamy’s heart melted. Moments like these were his favorite: making Octavia the happiest girl in the world. It was all he wanted, for her to smile and be happy despite only having him as a parental figure._

Bellamy smiled at the memory; his eyes shining with unshed tears as he stared at his reflection in the window. They had gone to that bakery every Sunday since then and it had become Octavia’s favorite day of the week. His heart ached, he missed his sister so much it hurt and he tried not to think about it because it was too painful, but sometimes something would remind him of her and he would hurt all over again. He shook his head and wiped his eyes, forcing his legs to move. He jogged away, his heart weighing heavy in his chest, leaving the bakery behind.

-

When Bellamy came back home it was way past midnight and he was soaked in sweat. His gray hoodie had dark spots on the back and under his arms, and his hair was sticking to his forehead. Silently he went into the bathroom and had a shower, tip toeing with a towel wrapped around his waist into the bedroom to get some clothes. Danielle was sound asleep in their bed and thankfully didn’t wake up when the drawer made a soft noise as he closed it. He changed in the bathroom and then went to the fridge to grab another energy drink. He did some push-ups before slumping onto the couch, his body dense from exhaustion. Turning on the Netflix he watched some Game of Thrones, but as the second episode began playing his eyelids grew too heavy and he fell asleep at last.


	7. Chapter 7

“Alright, princess. Let’s go through the plan, shall we?”

Murphy sat down in front of her by the kitchen table. It had been a week since he’d brought up the mission to her on that walk home from the store and Clarke had been waiting for him to bring it up again, not wanting to be the one doing so. Murphy was looking at her in a very business-like way, or the most business-like way Murphy could manage. He brought his glass of whatever substance was in it and took a sip, his eyes not leaving Clarke’s. He put it down again and clasped his hands in front of him on the table, leaning forward. Clarke looked at him with raised eyebrows, if she wasn’t aware of how risky this mission was, she might have laughed at his behavior. It was so out of character.

“Since you are the only one with a clean record, it has to be you.” He said. “Which I already told you, but I need you to understand that I would not ask this of you if it was not absolutely necessary.”

“I get that.” Clarke nodded. “But I can do it, I know I can.”

“I don’t doubt that. You’re good at this stuff, but this is going to be hard, even Monty would have trouble doing this.” Murphy sighed. “But like I promised, I’ll help you. I have a plan, well; it’s not complete since I can’t predict everything that will happen. But it’s a guide for what you need to do.”

Clarke leaned forward and rested her hands on the table as well. “Bring it.”

“Alright. Like I said, it’s ten kilograms of cocaine we’re talking about here. First thing: you cannot put it in your hand luggage in its plastic bags, you need to put it in the luggage that goes inside the plane, it’s safer that way.” He explained.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Murphy, how stupid do you think I am?”

“Shut up, Clarke, if we fuck this up it will ruin your entire life, so let me be over-explicit.”

“Okay, okay.” She sighed. “Keep going.”

“You need to divide the cocaine into different objects. For example: a makeup bag, shoes, cans, juice packs, shampoo bottles and so on. Then you place them amongst your clothes or whatever you need to bring on this trip inside your suitcase.” He spoke very clearly, pronouncing every word perfectly. “I also need you to play dumb.”

Clarke’s eyes widened at this. “What the hell?”

“Just don’t over-kill it, okay?” He said. “But imagine it: a blonde, beautiful girl who acts a little… well, who simply seems to not be sharpest crayon in the pack. It’s just easier for them to see you as innocent, but if you over-kill it they’ll see it as a sign of the opposite.”

“I suppose it makes sense.” She murmured. “But I don’t like it.”

“I know you don’t, I don’t either, but it’s the safest way.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.” She sighed, leaning back on the chair. “When, exactly?”

“Ten days from now.” He said. “I already have your ticket booked and everything, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Clarke bit her lip. Ten days. In ten days, she would either be saving them from starving or she would be behind bars. Inhaling and exhaling softly, she looked Murphy in the eyes and nodded. She could do this. She was ready.

-

“You didn’t come in to me last night.”

Bellamy ran a hand through his messy hair as he turned to Danielle, whose arms were crossed over her chest. She didn’t look angry, just questioning.

“Right. No, I didn’t want to wake you up.” He said, standing up. “Did you sleep well?”

“I suppose I did.” She shrugged and allowed him to kiss her cheek. “I have to get to work.”

“Ah.” He nodded. “Working late today too?”

She sighed, tilting her head back and shutting her eyes. “Yeah.” She groaned.

“Hey,” He said. “I can get a job, you know? I can still study, it’s no problem-“

“No.” She placed a finger over his lips to shut him up. “We’ve already had this conversation. I do the working and you do the studying, okay? Once you get your degree you’ll get to work plenty, alright?”

He sighed, nodding and she put her finger down. “Good.” She grinned. “Well, I have to get ready.”

She disappeared into the bathroom and Bellamy sighed. He hated not working, it felt as if he put everything on her shoulders and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to help bring money into the household and to pay the bills, he hated living off of others. But they had agreed when they moved in together that he should focus on studying since it would be most propitious for them.  
Hearing the shower turn on he ran a hand down his face, for the first time that day noticing how empty he felt. Like something was missing; almost as if someone had taken a big chunk out of his heart. Sighing, deciding not to dwell too much on it he sat down to study. He opened the book and began taking notes. Looking at the calendar on his laptop, he saw that it was exactly two weeks until his second examination. He was so not prepared. Sighing again, he looked out of the window, seeing only skyscrapers and a blue sky. Bellamy quickly got lost in the books and barely registered the shower turning off and Danielle kissing his cheek goodbye. Whatever flow he had gotten himself into, however, did not last that long. After about two hours of hard studying he was bored and not to mention: hungry. Feeling to lazy to cook he decided to eat something out, which would give him a reason to get out of the apartment.  
Looking in the mirror, he realized his hair was a mess. He ran a comb through it a few times, but quickly giving up since his curls just wouldn’t be tamed. He changed into a white t-shirt and black jeans before throwing his army green bomber jacket on and then went out the door.

Before he met Danielle, and after losing Octavia, he had gotten used to being alone so eating alone wasn’t awkward for him anymore. This time was no different as he took a seat at a restaurant just two subway stations from his neighborhood. It was nothing fancy, since that would be a little too sad. The place had C-shaped couches with a table in the center, but also tables for two. It had large windows, allowing the sun to light up the place. By night it was also a bar, serving all kinds of alcohol. A waitress came and took his order and another came by with a glass of water and some bread for him to eat in the meantime. He looked out over the people, it tended to get pretty crowned around lunchtime and this was no exception. He grabbed a piece of bread and took a bite, chewing on it while waiting. Busying himself by looking out of the window, he didn’t notice the girl who had been staring at him since he came in. He also didn’t notice her walking towards his table until she took the seat in front of him.

“Hey.” She said, smiling widely, showing off a set of white teeth. She had platinum hair, which stopped above her shoulders, and brown eyes. She was indeed beautiful.

Bellamy looked at her, raising his eyebrows. “Uh, hello?”

“Forgive me, you looked so lonely, I thought I’d take a seat.” She said, still smiling.

“I appreciate the concern, but I’m not lonely.” He laughed.

She bit her lip. “Fine, it was your looks that caught my eye and I thought that a handsome man like you shouldn’t have to eat alone.”

Ever since Bellamy had met Danielle, he hadn’t gone out clubbing much and when he’d gone out to restaurants he’d always been with her, so no one had hit on him in a long time, if you don’t count women (and men) checking him out on the street.

“Listen, whatever your name is-“

“-Grace.”

“Listen, Grace, I appreciate that but I have girlfriend.” He said as politely as he managed.

Her smile faded slightly, but she made no move to leave. “Oh, where is she? I can’t see her.”

Bellamy snorted slightly. “She’s at work.”

“Well, she’s still not here.” She looked at him through her eyelashes. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Grace, look, I’m not that kind of guy. Not anymore.” He said earnestly. “Just go.”

“Not anymore?” She raised her eyebrows. “Old habits die hard.”

“Oh, they’re dead, alright.” He took another chew of bread.

She tilted her head to the left. “Such a shame… a hot guy like you, in your early twenties, already settled down.”

“I guess I was just lucky to find the person I was meant to be with so early.” He smiled, but a funny feeling appeared in his stomach, stealing some of his appetite.

“Boo.” She sighed and stood up but just as she turned around to walk away, she turned back around and looked at him with furrowed brows. “You know, something tells me you didn’t mean that.”

“What?” He frowned.

“Something in your eyes… I don’t know.” She shrugged and walked away, leaving him alone to his thoughts just as his food arrived.

-

Walking into the living room that next day, Clarke was met by the sight of Murphy seated on top of Jasper; apparently incredibly invested in a heavy make out session. What made the situation even further more bizarre was the fact that Monty was seated in the armchair not too far from them and looked like he seriously regretted Clarke patching him up after the attack.

“Enjoying the view, Monty?” Clarke teased, a smirk appearing on her face.

Monty glared at her. “Fuck off, Clarke.”

“That’s not a very nice way to talk to someone who saved your life two weeks ago.” She raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, something I now deeply regret.” He groaned. “Everything hurts. I can’t work. I can’t even move away from these two.”

Murphy pulled away from Jasper and turned to look at them. “We live here too, we shouldn’t have to be forced into our small bedroom’s all the time. It’s not like you and Octavia give a shit if anyone of us enter the room.”

“He’s got a point, you know.” Clarke confessed, laughing softly at Monty’s expression. “Speaking of which, where’s O?”

“I think she went outside for a smoke.” Jasper said, peeking out from behind Murphy.

Clarke nodded and left the room. She went outside and as promised she found Octavia seated on the stair just outside their porch, a cigarette between her teeth. She looked up as the door opened and Clarke walked out, taking a seat next to her.

“Hey.” She smiled and reached into her pocket after the pack. “Want a smoke?”

“No, I’m good.” Clarke shook her head and Octavia put the pack back in the pocket of her jacket.

Octavia inhaled deeply, holding the cigarette now between two fingers, before exhaling out a gray cloud of smoke. Her hair was blowing slightly in the wind and the sun was illuminating her hazel eyes in the most enchanting way. It was moments like these Clarke’s heart fluttered by the sight of her friend, she was so insanely beautiful and if the circumstances had been different; Clarke was sure she would have fallen in love with her. Perhaps she already was, in a way, but it didn’t torture her.

“So, ready for the big mission?” Octavia asked, turning to her once more.

Clarke sighed, wrapping her leather jacket closer around her. “I think so.”

She nodded, not taking her eyes off of her as she placed the cigarette in her mouth once more. She smiled, as he exhaled the smoke, placing her hand on Clarke’s thigh. “You got this, baby, I know you do.”

Clarke smiled back, believing her despite all of her own doubts. She inhaled and pressed her lips to Octavia’s, who instantly kissed back, tangling her hand in her blonde hair while Clarke’s hands found her face, pulling her closer. She tasted like smoke and coffee, and something that was so uniquely _Octavia_.

“Thank you for believing in me, O.” She whispered once they’d parted, resting her forehead against the brunette’s.

“I have no reason not to.” She kissed her softly once more before pulling away to put the cigarette in her mouth again.

Clarke grinned, snatching the cigarette from her before it reached her mouth and put it between her own lips, inhaling deeply. Octavia raised an eyebrow, rolling her eyes but smiling nevertheless.


	8. Chapter 8

“Guess what!” Bellamy grinned widely, nearly jumping up and down out of excitement.

Danielle looked up at him from her magazine, eyebrows raised. “What?” She smiled softly at him.

“I passed my examination and my tutor thinks I can start practicing in schools now!” He said, still smiling from ear to ear.

“Oh my God!” She stood up and walked up to him. “That’s great. Oh, Bell, that’s so great. I know how much you want this and how hard you’ve worked for it.” She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” He hugged her back and then kissed her softly. “I can’t believe it.”

“I can.” She grinned. “And soon I can start to call you professor Blake.”

He smirked. “That sounds incredibly sexual when you say it like that.”

“Well…” She shrugged.

“A student shouldn’t talk to her teacher like that.”

Danielle raised an eyebrow. “Are you… going to punish me, Professor?”

“I might just do that.” He grinned.

She bit her lip and let out a chuckle. “This isn’t the 1960’s but… just because it’s you, I might let you.”

He smirked and closed the distance between them, too caught up in the joy of having taken another step in the right direction to acknowledge how tired he was or how that empty feeling in his heart hadn’t quite subsided. It got hotter and heavier between them for each second and just as Bellamy reached back for the zipper on her dress, the cellphone rang, interrupting their heated moment.

“Ughhh…” Bellamy groaned. “Do you have to take that?”

Danielle looked at him with half-lidded eyes, seeming to be completely lost already. “What- Oh shit!” Her eyes widened and she moved away from him, running towards her phone. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” She cursed before she got a hold of her phone and answered it. “Hello? Oh, hey, Mr. Martinez! No, I have not forgotten… something just came up, family crisis really… yes. I’m on my way. Sorry, okay, yes. Bye!”

“What was that all about?” He asked, looking at his bewildered girlfriend.

“That was my boss, I’m supposed to have lunch with his parents and they are waiting for me!” She ran to the mirror, running her hands through her long hair.

“You’re having lunch with your boss and his parents?” Bellamy frowned, following her.

“Mhm.” She said absentmindedly while applying red lipstick to her plump lips. She played with her hair some more, trying to get more volume to it. “How do I look?” She asked, once she seemed satisfied, and turned to him.

He looked her over. She wore a tight, black dress, which showed off her feminine curves, and black heels to match. Her dress was short enough to show off the tattoo that was pretty far up her left thigh, saying _She flies with her own wings_ written right across it. Her hair had loose curls, framing her beautiful face.

“You look amazing, but why, exactly, are you dressed like that to meet him and his parents?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Look, my boss may or may not be interested in me. And that may or may not be the reason why he is considering promoting me into local manager, _if_ I have lunch with him and his parents. So what? I’m not interested in him.”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. “And does Mr. Martinez know this?”

“No.” She said, as if it was obvious. “That’s the whole point. Do you think he would promote me if I completely turned him down?”

“Is this such a good idea? I mean you might actually get fired if you play with his feelings like that.”

“Being an, as he calls it, _niña bonita_ -“

“Wow.” Bellamy interrupted.

“-has its perks.” She continued. “All I have to do is pout and flutter my eyelashes to get him to forgive me.”

He laughed, shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know. I think you might be pushing your luck.”

“Bell, I got this. All I’m doing is having dinner with them - which I’m really fucking late to by the way - be nice to him and then I’ll get promoted.” She grabbed her coat and purse. “Easy piecy.”

“Alright, whatever you say.” He said, watching her button her coat.

“Good.” She kissed his cheek. “Okay, see you soon. Wish me luck!”

“Good luck.” He snorted, shaking his head as he shut the door behind her.

-

“Murphy!” Octavia stomped into the living room, looking furious, Clarke right behind her.

Murphy was seated on the old couch, mouth filled with something and his black jeans dusted with a white powder. “Wha?” He asked, voice muffled.

“Did you eat all the powdered donuts?” She asked, narrowing her eyes. “ _My_ powdered donuts?”

Clarke bit down on her lip not to laugh and she saw Jasper and Monty, also seated in the living room do the same.

“No…” He spoke, still with the cheeks of a hamster.

“Then what the fuck is that on your pants?” Octavia pointed at the white powder.

Clarke feared for Murphy’s life, honestly. Everyone knew that when Octavia was on her period, she craved jam-filled, powdered donuts and if anyone took them from her they would pay with their life.

Murphy looked down at his pants, seeming to consider his answer from a moment while chewing and eventually swallowing. He looked up at her. “That’s cocaine.” He deadpanned.

Jasper let out a snort and slapped a hand over his mouth immediately after. Monty seemed to be in some serious pain to try to hold back his own laughter. Clarke bit down harder on her lip, waiting for Octavia’s reaction.  
Octavia’s right eye appeared to twitch as he stared at him. She slowly walked towards him, the empty bag that had once contained her precious donuts in her hand, now crumbled up inside her fist. She stopped right in front of him and Murphy honestly looked a little scared, his normally large eyes seeming to widen somewhat as he watched her.

“You will get your ass to the store and buy me new donuts.” She spoke slowly and quietly, which was even more intimidating than if she would have shouted. When Murphy had nodded slowly, she threw the crumbled up bag at him and then left the room. Everyone remained completely silent until you could hear her bedroom door slam shut.

Monty broke the silence by laughing as much as he could in his state, holding onto his side. “Wow, Murphy.”

Murphy glared at him. “What? She’s bloody terrifying when she’s on her period.”

“Actually,” Jasper said, turning to his boyfriend. “She’s terrifying all the time.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and threw her keys at Murphy. “You can barrow my bike to the store.”

“Oh, thanks.” He stood up.

“I’m not being nice, I just know that she’ll kill you if you’re not back in ten minutes.”

Once Murphy had left the room she sat down on the couch next to Jasper, grabbing the bowl of popcorn that stood on the table. “Monty, how’s your wound healing?”

“Fine.” He said. “I should be able to get back to work in no time.”

“I still think you should let me look at it.” She grabbed a handful of the popcorn and stuffed in her mouth.

“Clarke, I’m telling you, it’s fine.”

She shrugged. “Fine. I think I’m gonna go see if Octavia has calmed down.”

“Hey, let me have that.” Jasper reached out his hand for the bowl and Clarke gave it to him. She walked down the hallway and stopped outside of Octavia’s room, knocking softly.

“Fuck off.”

Clarke laughed and opened the door. “Murphy just left. He’ll be back with donuts any minute now.”

Octavia was lying on her stomach onto the bed, her face buried in the pillow. “I fucking hate him.”

Clarke shut the door behind her and sat down next to Octavia, placing a hand on her back. “Baby, come on. We both know that’s not true.”

Octavia turned over onto her back, looking at Clarke, like a grumpy little kid. “It is…”

“Fine. Can I do anything for you?” She asked, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah, actually. You can fuck me so I forget about my misery.” She smirked, grabbing onto Clarke’s hand, guiding it down her stomach towards her lower regions.

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said period sex is disgusting.”

“It is. But right now I don’t care.” She shrugged. “But if you do it’s fine, I can do it myself.”

“No, no, I don’t mind.” She laughed. “But I’m not going down on you.”

“Damn. My fantasy about you being a vampire is totally ruined now.” She said sarcastically.

Clarke rolled her eyes and kissed her deeply, sneaking a hand under her shirt to touch her breasts, earning a soft moan from Octavia. She usually liked to take her time to really tease the brunette, who always wanted to appear so impassive, until she was writhing underneath the blonde’s touch, begging for more. This time though, Octavia was not having it. She pushed Clarke’s hand down towards the waistband of her pants while whimpering.

“Fuck, Clarke, just touch me.” She groaned.

She laughed, her hand dancing around on the lower part of her stomach. “I _am_ touching you, O.”

The glare she received could have killed her and Clarke knew Octavia wasn’t playing games. She laughed softly, placing a soft kiss onto her lips. “Patience, my love, is the key.” She whispered as she finally slid her hand down into her panties, touching her where she craved it the most. Clarke didn’t find it nauseating, probably because she had handled more wounds in her lifetime so far than the average person. But maybe it was also because it was Octavia and nothing about her could ever be wrong or disgusting. Clarke loved her and would take a bullet for her in a heartbeat. Watching her now, her face showing pure bliss was enough for Clarke to be happy. Maybe that’s what love was, to be able to be at ease with giving a person everything without wanting anything in return? She leaned down and pressed another kiss to Octavia’s lips, then one to her forehead.

“You know, they say orgasms cure cramps.” Octavia said sleepily, her eyes closed.

“And did it?”

She shook her head. “No. It’s pure bullshit.”

Clarke laughed softly. “Do you want some aspirin?”

“Yes.” She pouted, looking up at her.

“Okay. Be right back.” She went out into the kitchen just as Murphy walked in through the door, his hair a complete mess and a bag of donuts in his hand.

“That was pretty fast.” Clarke said, looking impressed as Murphy put the bag on the kitchen table but also holding onto it to catch his breath.

“Yeah. Well, I do…” _Gasp_. “…want to live for a little while longer…” _Gasp._ “…you know?”

Clarke washed her hands. “Yeah.”

Murphy’s gaze fell on her hand and he frowned. “What did you do? Kill a man?”

She felt her stomach turn uncomfortably as the memory flashed through her mind and she froze dead in her tracks for a moment. “No, Murphy, I didn’t.”

“Then what…” He kept looking at her until realization hit him. “Oh. Gross.”

Clarke poured water into a glass. “Not any more gross than licking someone’s asshole.” She grabbed the aspirin and then the bag. “I’ll give these to her.”

“Touché.” He shrugged, walking over to the fridge.

Clarke went back inside Octavia’s room and sat down on the edge of her messy bed, handing her the pill and the water. Octavia downed it with the water and then put it on the floor beside her bed, the nightstand too stacked with magazines and what not to fit anything else. She lay back down on the bed and groaned.

“Murphy came back with these.” Clarke showed her the donuts.

Octavia shook her head. “Don’t want them anymore. Put them on the floor, I’ll eat them later.”

She nodded and put them next to the water.

“Cuddles?” Octavia asked in a small voice. Clarke turned and looked at her, smiling. She nodded.

“Turn over.” She whispered and Octavia turned onto her left side so Clarke could crawl down under the blue covers and spoon her from behind. She wrapped her arms around the brunette tightly, burying her face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the green apple scent that was so _Octavia_. It was such a comforting smell that it lulled her right to sleep.

_Clarke was standing in front of a door. She had no idea whose door it was, but it stuck to a very beautiful house. The air was warm and the sun was shining, it was in the middle of the day. Looking down at herself, she was dressed in a white dress and flats, her long hair curled. Every fiber in her body told her to open the door, even though it belonged to a stranger. She turned the handle and found that it was open. Inside it was pitch black, she couldn’t see a thing, but there was a smell of newly baked cake and other pastries. She shut the door behind her and searched the walls for a light switch. Her fingers hit a button and she pressed it and in the exact moment as it became light about ten or fifteen people jumped up from behind furniture and screamed “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” in unison. Clarke jumped and put a hand over her heart._

_“Oh my god!” She exclaimed._

_The people laughed. She recognized some of them as Murphy, Jasper, Monty and Octavia. The rest was complete strangers, whom she’d never met before. They stepped aside to make room for him, the man she’d been dreaming about for the past month or so. He stood there, a massive cake in his hands, his black hair teasing his eyes and the biggest smile on his face._

_“Happy birthday, baby.” He said, walking up to her. “Make a wish.”_

_She bit her lip and looked at him, feeling joy spread throughout her heart. Laughing softly, she looked down at the rectangle shaped cake, covered in whipped cream and (what she assumed was) nineteen blue candles. Inhaling deeply, shutting her eyes, she blew out the candles as she made her wish. As soon as she did, everyone started clapping and cheering._

_“Wow, this is… amazing. But how did you know it was my birthday?” She asked in confusion._

_He looked at her in surprise before laughing. “Wouldn’t I know the date of my girlfriend’s birthday? What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?” He smiled and kissed her cheek. “Come on, let’s put this down in the living room so you can cut it!”_

_She walked after him, still just as confused, though she didn’t really mind, the others following them. The living room was beautiful with white walls, covered in paintings, shelves with candles and photographs of her and him. On the wall opposite of the huge, nude couch there was an even bigger TV. The glass table in front of the couch was set with plates, spoons, glasses and pastries. The man put the cake down in the middle of it and everyone took a seat, except for Clarke. She looked out of the window and saw palm trees and a huge pool in their backyard, which had shortcut, green grass. Everything looked so perfect, too perfect. One thing was for sure: she was not in England anymore._

_“Sit down, love?” He looked up at her, gesturing at the empty seat next to him._

_She nodded and sat down, smiling as she saw everyone put their presents in a pile on the floor next to her._

_“Cut the cake already!” Murphy said, who looked strangely put together for once, smiling widely._

_Everyone laughed, including Clarke as she grabbed the knife and cut herself a piece. Then the knife went around until everyone had cake on their plates._

_“I know you’re going to love what I got you.” A girl Clarke didn’t recognize said, smiling widely._

_“I’m sure I will.” Clarke said, smiling politely at her._

_Octavia, who also looked strangely put together, looked at her, smiling._

_Clarke smiled back, looking at the man next to her and realizing how scarily similar he was to Octavia. Her jaw dropped at the realization._

_“What’s wrong?” He asked. “Don’t you like the cake? It’s chocolate, your favorite…”_

_“No, it’s not that… You just look so much like Octavia.”_

_Everyone who wasn’t busy in discussion with each other turned to her and gave her a weird look. “Maybe it is because we are related?” Octavia laughed softly._

_“Wait, he’s your older brother?”_

_Octavia nodded. “You… didn’t know that?”_

_“No…” Clarke frowned, looking at Bellamy, who seemed to understand what was going on. He put his plate down and grabbed her hands._

_“You don’t know yet… do you? You don’t know who I am?”_

_She shook her head. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry…”_

_“Don’t worry, you will.” He looked at her, smiling sadly but reassuringly._

_“I will?” She felt oddly emotional. “But you’re not real…”_

_He squeezed her hands in his. “I’m more real than you think. Don’t give up hope, Clarke. Everything will work its way out.”_

_She nodded, believing him for some reason. He let go of her hands and turned back to his cake but when Clarke tried to do the same she couldn’t grasp it._

_“Crap…” She sighed as she began to float away as she always did in these dreams. She looked at him, who frowned, but didn’t ask her to stay as he always did. He didn’t have the panic in his eyes like he used to, as if he was afraid she would disappear forever. It seemed like this time he knew they would meet again, and for some reason Clarke had that same feeling in her heart so she didn’t struggle. She just smiled at him and just barely caught his smile back at her before everything vanished into darkness._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, it really helps to keep me motivated <3

Five days left. Five days until Clarke would go on her mission and the mere thought exhausted her. The thing to blame for her exhaustion was the dreams. Those dreams she’d been having for the past month was both exciting and exhausting. She had a longing feeling in her heart each time she woke up and couldn’t ease it. It was driving her crazy. It was like she didn’t want to wake up from these dreams anymore, like every time she did she felt drained of all energy and just _needed_ to come back. Some mornings she even tried to fall back asleep but it never brought her back to that man.

“Well, you look like shit.” Monty commented as Clarke took a seat by the kitchen table to eat some breakfast.

The only answer she could muster was a polite ‘fuck you’ while she pushed some of the million things that occupied the table onto the floor.

“So, excited for the big mission?” He asked, pouring some more milk into his cereal.

Clarke nodded, putting on a brave face. “Yeah.”

“Good. I know a lot is on your shoulders, Clarke, wish I could be there to help.”

“I got it, Monty.” She said, looking at him.

He nodded slowly. “I know.”

“Great.” She grabbed the milk and poured some into her tea.

Octavia entered the kitchen, yawning and scratching her head. “What time is it?”

“It’s just past ten.” Clarke said, pushing off some things next to her to make room for Octavia’s breakfast.

Octavia sat down. “What the hell am I doing up this early.”

“You have a mission, remember?” Monty reminded her.

“Right.” She sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Could you pass me the bread?”

“What mission?” Clarke asked.

Octavia took a huge bite of the bread Monty passed her. “Just some deliveries, no biggy, which is why I don’t understand why it had to be so fucking early.”

“O, eleven is not early. And if you want to be there on time you better hurry up.” He raised an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes and took another big bite.

 

Clarke had spent the next several days mostly alone. Her friends assumed it was because she was nervous about the mission, but that wasn’t it. It was those damn dreams that just wouldn’t go away – and she wasn’t sure she wanted them to go away either. She liked them and even enjoyed having them. She had been alone her entire life and now it finally felt as if she had someone who was close to her, beyond human touch. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t real and that she shouldn’t dwell on something that was only in her head, but part of her had a feeling that these were more than just dreams. She thought about the boy in Octavia’s wallet, her brother. How could he be so similar to the man in her dreams? It couldn’t have been a coincidence. She had every intention and her mind set on figuring out what was going on. It was the only way for her to get a peace of mind.

-

“What are you looking for?” Danielle asked, raising an eyebrow at her boyfriend who was crouched down over a few boxes, frantically searching for something.

“I can’t find the briefcase I bought for when I would finally get to practice in schools!” He said, throwing things all around himself.

“Okay. But honey, I really don’t think you’ll find it easier by making a mess.”

Bellamy stood up, glaring at her. “Danielle, it was expensive! I have to find it. Would you stop complaining and help me instead?”

She raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest. “Not when you use _that_ tone with me. What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve been grumpy for weeks!”

He sighed. “I’m not grumpy!” He bent down again and continued searching.

“Yes you are, like a five-year-old. Are you sleep deprived, is that what it is?” She asked. “You never go to bed at the same time as me anymore, you always come in late at night when I’m already asleep.”

“I can’t find it.” He groaned, ignoring her question and standing up again. “I’ll have to look in the storage room.”

Danielle rolled her eyes, following him into the spare room they had no use for except to fill with boxes of things they didn’t need but were too attached to to get rid of. Bellamy looked at the tags of the different boxes, touching his chin.

“I doubt it’s in here. Why would you put your precious bag in a room filled with dust?” She asked.

Once again he ignored her and began lifting boxes to get access to those behind to read the tags. He occasionally coughed from the clouds of dust that flew up in his face as he moved things around.

“Look, since I got a raise, you can just buy a new one.” She offered.

“Oh yes. Let me buy a new briefcase with the money you got by having dinner with your lovestruck boss and his parents.” He said dryly.

“Wow. Now you hear me.” She shook her head. “What is wrong with you? I thought you didn’t care about that.”

“I don’t.” He turned to her. “I just… don’t want to buy a new briefcase.” He turned back to the boxes. “It has to be here somewhere.”

“You know, if we have a problem, Bell, I do expect you to be mature enough to talk about it with me instead of acting the way you are now.”

He froze in his movements. He remained still for a moment before visibly relaxing and letting out a breath. “I’m sorry.” He murmured, turning around once more. “I’ve just… got a lot on my mind.”

She walked up to him, putting her hands on his arms. “Talk to me?”

“I don’t need to talk about it.” He said, shaking his head.

“Is it… us? Is there something wrong with us?” She asked, swallowing thickly.

“No, no. I just… I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. With money and studying and passing these exams.” He ran a hand down his face. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

She nodded, still not looking entirely convinced. “Okay.” She still had her hands on his arms, squeezing slightly. “You’ve… gotten stronger.”

“Yeah. Been working out.” He smiled softly. “It helps with the stress.” He lied.

Nodding once more, she let go of his arms. “Well, I have to get to work so… I’ll leave you to it.” She smiled weakly before turning around and walking away. Bellamy heard her put on her coat and the clicking from her heels as she took the last few steps to the door after she put them on. He heard the door open and then close. He was alone.

Sighing deeply, he continued his search, trying to ignore the anxiety he felt. Deep down he knew that there were more than a few things wrong in their relationship. He knew Danielle felt it too. They had both become distant, slowly but surely. Ever since those dreams came along and made him fall in love with that blonde woman, who he didn’t even know existed. He didn’t even know if it was possible to fall in love with an imaginary person. Danielle and him had been fine, he had been fully committed and in love with her before these dreams. He didn’t understand why they had occurred in the first place since he was happy with her. He hadn’t needed anybody else. They had been together for two years and he had never felt unsatisfied with her, until now. It hadn’t been a gradual change; it had just been that way since that very first dream, and it had become more intense with each dream. The longing was more intense; the empty feeling in his heart was more intense – eating its way into his soul. Staying up late didn’t help anymore either; it just caused him to be even more exhausted when he woke up. Shaking his head, he forced himself to think of something else. His eye caught a box with the tag _Memories_. It was medium sized but rather heavy as he lifted it up and carried it out of the dusty room.  
He sat down on the floor in the living room, placing the box between his legs. He blew off some dust before opening it, making a face as he discovered that it was just as dusty on the inside. There were several books, letters, loose Polaroids along with a Polaroid camera, an old perfume bottle and what looked like a photo album. Bellamy instantly felt a twinge in his heart as he picked up the Polaroids. They were of his family. Some of him and his mother, some of just him and Octavia, and some of all three of them. He swallowed thickly, seeing the smiles of the two women who had once been his entire world. Putting them back down he picked up the photo album, seeing baby pictures of him and his sister. There were a few pictures of his father holding him, but none of him holding Octavia since he’d left before she was born. He was about six pages in when that too became too hard to look at, so he put it away and began looking through the old books. His eye caught the perfume bottle, but he didn’t dare to smell it, not now. He knew it was his mother’s old perfume, which he’d saved when she passed away. He knew it would smell like roses, as if a wind of spring came flowing across the room. He understood it would make his heart hurt even more, so he let it go. There were many different books, but one in particular got his attention: _Chasing Dreams_. A memory flashed through his mind…

_“Bell, sweetie, sit down.”_

_“No, mommy. I don’t want to.” He said, grumpy, like any five-year-old._

_His mother looked at him, seated in the couch. “Please?” She patted her lap. She was holding a book. He sighed, letting go of his toy and climbed up into her lap, feeling the scent of rose perfume and filling him with comfort._

_“What is it mommy?”_

_She smiled, showing him the cover of the book. “This book is called Chasing Dreams and it is very, very important.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You see,” She began. “This is a book that all parents must read to their children at the age of five.”_

_He looked at the cover. It was white, had it’s title written in blue in the centre, surrounded by flowers. It didn’t look like anything special._

_“It looks boring.” He murmured._

_She laughed softly, opening it. “It’s not, honey. It’s very interesting. It’s a true story about two halves finding one another to create a whole.”_

_“Like a split apple?”_

_She laughed once more, petting his wild locks. “No, Bell. It’s two people. The story is just to make it easier to understand, but the theory is the important part. Though you are a little too young to understand the theory now, but I will give you this book once we finish the story and when you’re older you’ll get to read the theory. Let’s focus on the story now, okay?”_

_He nodded. “Okay, mom.”_

Bellamy stared down at the white, dusty book, snapping out of his thoughts. His heart instantly began to beat faster. He remembered the story clear as day now, though he had never read the theory because he hadn’t believed in any of it. It had been about two people finding each other through dreams, though they were miles and miles apart. He opened the book, skipping through the story to the back, where the theory began.

_The universe, as of now, has seven billion people. It is believed, that everyone (who has the desire for it) has a soulmate. It is believed that we walk around as halves, waiting to collide with our other part to complete our soul. Sometimes these people are very close to us, but more often than not they are far away. We do not know who these people are and we will not find out until both parties are ready. When both parties are ready, you will begin to have dreams. These dreams will be consistent and more powerful than any other dream you will ever experience. Once you begin to have these dreams, it means your souls are ready, so both souls will begin to ache for one another. It will grow more intense for each day that goes by and eventually you will be pushed together by nature. Sometimes it takes longer and other times it is a very quick process._

_Some people walk around half their lives, living with the wrong person, because they are not ready, or their soulmate is not ready. For these people, when the dreams do come, it is rather overwhelming. Their partners are also affected but in these times you must trust your gut and the universe, for it has a plan for you. Perhaps a different plan than you thought, but so it has for your partner._

_Unfortunately, some people never meet their soulmate. These are rare cases, but it happens that you never become ready. If you are one of those people, you will never know because you will be satisfied with the partner you have and you can never know if that person really was your soulmate all along and that is why you never had the dreams. Either way, you will be okay._

_If you are reading this and having these dreams: go for it. You are ready, your soul is ready. The universe is telling you to go find your other half and you need to obey. Follow your heart, your instincts. It will all work out in the end._

For more information about this, go to www.ichasemydreams.com where you will find more facts about the science, which all originate from complex forms of astrology.

Bellamy stared down at the book, motionless while feeling the entire world crashing down over him.

Several hours later, when Danielle came home, Bellamy was still seated on the floor with the book in his hand. She walked into the living room, frowning at the sight of him.

“Did you find the briefcase?” She asked.

He shook his head slowly. “No.”

“Hey, we’ll find it.” She crouched down next to him. “Why are you sitting on the floor?”

He looked at her, blinking rapidly. “I… I was going through…” He pointed at the box.

She looked at it, seeing the perfume and the photos. Understanding spread on her face and she looked sad. “Oh, Bell…” She placed her hand on his arm and then hugged him.

The fact that he wasn’t nearly crying over his mom and sister was far more disturbing than these dreams, and it actually made Bellamy really angry with himself. But he was also relieved because it meant he didn’t have to explain what he was really sad about.

“What’s that book?” She asked after a while of comforting him.

He showed it to her. “Chasing Dreams, don’t you remember? Didn’t your parents read it to you?”

“Oh. Yeah, they did.” She nodded. “I haven’t seen that book in forever.”

“Me neither. Did you read the theory?”

“Yeah. But it’s silly, right? It’s just a story.” She smiled. “A bunch of crazy scientists writing down their thoughts on paper.”

“So you don’t believe in it?” He asked.

She sat down on the floor next to him. “I did when I was little. Or, I wanted to. I thought it was a beautiful concept. But as I got older I understood that it couldn’t be real.”

“Yeah, of course.” He nodded, looking from her to the book. “But… let’s say it was real, what would you do?”

“What do you mean what would I do?”

“I mean, what if you were with me and you began having these dreams but about someone else, because your soulmate wasn’t me.”

She frowned. “Why would I think like that? As far as I’m concerned you are my soulmate, Bell.”

“Yes.” He smiled weakly. “But let’s pretend I wasn’t.”

“Well… if that was the case, I wouldn’t really have a choice, would I?” She shrugged. “I’d be forced to end it with you.”

He looked at her. “You would?”

“Yes. I mean, the entire universe, your entire being would work in unison to lead you to your soulmate. You would meet, it’d be inevitable.”

Bellamy swallowed thickly, nodding. “Yeah, I guess that’s true…”

“But like I said.” She smiled, closing the book. “It’s just a story. Come and have a late dinner with me.” She kissed his cheek and stood up.

“Coming…” He murmured, eyes still fixed on the book, thoughts swirling around in his mind.


	10. Chapter 10

“Have you got everything?” Murphy asked, looking just as nervous as Clarke felt.

She nodded, staring down at her suitcase filled with (except for clothes and her toothbrush) cans and empty makeup containers; all filled with cocaine. She and Murphy had spent the entire day yesterday filling all of the objects. This morning she had spent nearly two hours getting ready: curling her hair, putting on a ton of makeup and arguing with Murphy as he tried to interfere with her choice of clothing. In the end she had ended up with a black dress and her leather jacket (which Murphy was completely against).

He let out a breath he had clearly been holding for a while. “Alright. The taxi should be here in five.”

“Great.” She smiled at him. The rest of her friends walked out into the hallway to say goodbye.

“Bye, Clarke. You got this.” Jasper said reassuringly, giving her a warm hug.

Her smile widened. “Yeah. See you in a few days.”

They pulled away and she hugged Monty, who was healing just fine. “Good luck.” He said.

Then Octavia wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. “See you soon.”

“Yeah.” She inhaled her green apple scent, allowing it to consume her for a moment.

Octavia let her go and kissed her softly. She smiled at them and opened the door, Murphy following her and helping her with the bags. The taxi was already there and the driver got out and lifted them into the trunk. Murphy hugged her, whispering good luck in her ear. Then he let go and Clarke got into the cab.

“Where to Miss?”

“London Heathrow airport, please.”

They began driving and Clarke’s heart began racing, she watched Murphy wave to her. She kept watching until they made a turn and him and the apartment disappeared.

-

Cars were swishing by on the road next to the sidewalk, horns were honking, the buildings seemed bigger than usual; reaching high up into the sky, people were everywhere and for the first time since moving there Bellamy felt suffocated.  
It wasn’t because of the city itself, it was nerves: nerves that had been subconsciously building for the past few days. He was going to have his very first practice class today. It was a class consisting of sixth graders and his subject was English. Sounded easy enough, except he knew how difficult it could get if he didn’t get the students to like him. He had just got off the Subway and was about ten minutes away from the school, which gave him just enough time to stop by and get some breakfast. His nervous stomach hadn’t allowed him to get anything down at home.

A bagel and a grande mocha with extra caffeine later he was feeling slightly better. The school looked far less threatening than he expected it to. It was big, sure, but so were all the buildings in this city so it was nothing new to him. It was made of bricks and had a huge front porch. He let out a breath, grabbing the handle and entering. Somehow it felt even bigger inside, perhaps because of the cleanness of it all. There were large free spaces, everything mostly white and gray, a marble staircase and lockers against the walls. Bellamy reached into the pocket of his pants for the information about where and when he was supposed to be. After scanning it quickly with his eyes he walked towards the staircase, walking up to the second floor. The second floor was just as the first one: lots of empty spaces, though this one had (instead of lockers) plenty of doors along the walls. It also had several paintings, but they were in the same theme of color the school seemed to have going. The doors had numbers and once he reached number twelve he opened it, relieved that it was unlocked.  
The entire school was empty and so was the classroom. It was pretty big with a huge whiteboard and windows, benches placed neatly in the room. A table and a chair that looked way more comfortable than the other chairs stood before the whiteboard. Bellamy walked in and put his briefcase on the table.

“Alright, here we go…” He murmured, staring at the clock. Fifteen minutes until the school would be filled with students and twenty until his lesson began.

-

At Heathrow airport there was people everywhere, literally everywhere. Clarke felt nervous, carrying bags filled with cocaine. Whenever someone looked at her it felt like they could see it in her eyes or smell it off of her. She didn’t dare to make eye contact or speak to anyone.  
Her plane was supposed to leave for New York in an hour. She had no idea what to do to kill her time while she waited since all she wanted was to avoid people. Her eye caught a small shop and next to it was Starbucks. She decided to buy some sort of magazine she could hide behind and then buy some coffee. She was in serious need of some caffeine right now.

Ten minutes later she stood in the queue to Starbucks with a magazine in her purse. There were two people before her and she found herself holding onto the magazine a little too tight. Mentally cursing herself for being so nervous she forced herself to relax, as it quickly became her turn.

“Hey, one caramel iced latte, please.” She said, smiling brightly.

The boy behind the counter smiled back at her. “Coming right up, miss. How was your name?”

“Cl-“ She stopped herself and pretended to cough. “Sorry, it’s Eliza.”

"You sure?" He asked, looking amused.

Clarke glared at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged and wrote it down on a cup and then proceeded to make her order. Once she got her coffee she sat down by one of the many tables and opened her magazine. She made sure to look really busy so no one would disturb her or - God forbid – sit next to her.

-

Before Bellamy knew it, the bell rang and what felt like hundreds of students came into his classroom. In fact they were only about twenty-five but it was still a lot of people. They were all busy chatting with one another to really notice him, and they seemed to know exactly where to sit – it was all a kind of flow that only months of doing the same thing could create. He stood up from his chair and cleared his throat loudly once everyone had settled down and their attention immediately turned to him.

“Good morning.” He began, sounding more confident than he felt. “My name is Bellamy Blake and I’m going to be teaching English to you. I’m a student, much like you, on my way to become a full-feathered teacher and this is my first time teaching in schools. I will be here three days out of five: Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Do you have any questions?”

The students looked at him, some with interest, others looked bored. His heart pumped incredibly fast, it was ridiculous how nervous a couple of twelve-year-olds could make him. A brown-haired girl raised her hand.

“Yes, miss-?”

“Miller.” She said, lowering her hand. “How old are you?”

He laughed softly. “I’m twenty-three.”

She smiled shyly and nodded.

“Any other questions?” He asked, looking out over them.

A boy in the back raised his hand. “Where’s Miss Reyes?”

“Miss Raven Reyes will be teaching English with you Mondays and Thursdays.” He informed them. “The reason I got this job is because she is pregnant, as you know, and she needs her rest. And your name is?”

“Philip Evans.” He said, smiling.

Bellamy returned his smile; he supposed it wouldn’t hurt to be kind. “So, have we got any other questions?”

When no one else raised their hands he walked around his desk and sat down at the edge of it. “I would like to hear all of your names. I might not be able to remember them, but I’ll try. So, we start at the back and work our way forward.”

“Adam Nelson.”

“Joey Parker.”

“Melissa Wright.”

“Collins Stewart.”

“Allison Gomez.”

And it went on until they reached the front where Serena Miller was seated. Bellamy then continued to begin talking about grammar, which was what they had been doing for the past week Miss Reyes had told him over the phone. He was surprised by how good the students behaved and how kind they were to him. They mostly listened intently to what he had to say and he only had to tell them to quiet down twice. To him, that was a success and as the hour passed by he felt his heart become much lighter and he could even smile genuinely towards the end of the class.

-

Clarke stood in a queue to go through the customs. Her heart was beating so fast she thought the people around her could hear it. Inhaling and exhaling shakily, she took a step forward and realized it was only one person ahead of her. What she was the most nervous about was the gigantic bag that she had been forced to leave behind to go into the plane beforehand, but since no one had looked for her and it had been half an hour she assumed it had gone through without a problem. But there was still her handbag, which had a makeup bag in it, which contained a translucent powder, except the powder was cocaine. She smiled stiffly at the lady behind the mini luggage treadmill as she put her bag onto it. A guard made a gesture for her to go through the security detector; she smiled at him and held her breath as she walked through it. When it didn’t beep, she let out a sigh in relief.

“That’s all, then?” She asked kindly, feeling her confidence coming back strong as she reached for her bag, which had gone through the x-ray. 

The lady seated behind the luggage treadmill looked at her, her expression stern. “Not quite, miss. I’m going to need you to come with me.”

Clarke’s smile fell and she felt her heart drop to her stomach. The lady rose from her chair and pointed the direction for her to follow. Clarke swallowed thickly, wondering what in the world had gone wrong, and followed in silence.


	11. Chapter 11

“Guess who won the kids over?” Bellamy grinned proudly as he walked in through the door.

“Hmm… you?” Danielle said, walking out to the hallway. “That’s great.” She smiled.

“I can’t believe I was so nervous in the first place, I mean, I killed it out there.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t get too confident now, Bell. There are a lot of months left before you’re done there, things can change.”

“Are you trying to make me nervous again?” He asked

“No, not at all. I’m just saying, don’t take another step before you’re sure the ground’s solid.”

He raised an eyebrow as he took off his jacket. “Don’t take another step before you’re sure the ground’s solid?”

“Something Mr. Martinez always says.” She shrugged.

Bellamy made a face of disapproval. “ _Mr. Martinez_? Gotten to know him quite well I see.”

She frowned. “Uh, yeah? He’s my boss. I see him quite often.”

“Yeah, I know.” He said bitterly, walking into the living room.

Danielle followed him. “Okay, what the hell? Are you seriously jealous right now?”

Bellamy put his feet up on the couch, stretching out his legs. “Me? No. Not at all.”

“Right, whatever. I thought you had a little more trust in me than that.” She said angrily, putting her hands on her hips. When Bellamy didn’t answer she sighed in annoyance and walked into the kitchen, starting dinner.

Half an hour later she announced that the dinner was ready and Bellamy made his way into the kitchen, sitting down by the table. It was dead silent; the only sounds that could be heard were the soup being poured into the bowls and the clatter of spoons.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Bellamy sighed, a few minutes later.

She snorted. “Of course you are.” She turned to him. “You know, it surprises me how you even _dare_ speak to me about cheating when you’re the one having these mysterious dreams and staying up half the night and more often than not crash on the couch. We haven’t had sex in weeks and it’s not because we’re busy. We have become _friends_ , Bellamy; I don’t feel like you’re my boyfriend anymore because you’re hardly acting like one. I try so hard to tell myself that it’s nothing, that you’re really just doing what you’re saying but…” She shook her head, trailing off.

Bellamy couldn’t look her in the eyes, guilt was burning in his stomach and shame washed over him. He didn’t know what to say, because she was right. He was desiring her less and less, he was behaving more like a friend than a boyfriend because all he could think about was the woman in his dreams. He was falling out of love with Danielle and falling in love with the blonde, British woman and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. Because it was written in the stars, it was a part of his destiny and he couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to figure it out.

“But you know what?” She said and he finally looked up at her. “I love you, Bellamy. And because of that I trust you. All I ask is for you to do the same.” She stood up, took her bowl and disappeared into the kitchen.

-

All Clarke could hear was the sound of her own thumping heart. It drove her crazy as her vision became blurred from all the thoughts in her head. But somehow, as she was taken into a private room and sat down in front of a security guard her mind cleared. He looked stern, as if he was judging her.

“I’m sorry, what is going on?” She asked innocently. “Is something wrong?”

The man clasped his hands together on the table. “I don’t know, you tell me. We saw something in your purse and we just need to make sure everything is as it should.”

Clarke nodded, swallowing thickly. “Okay...”

“Look, if you’re not doing anything illegal you have no reason to worry.” He smiled stiffly.

“Right, yeah.”

A few minutes later the door opened and the lady who had brought her in there returned with Clarke’s purse. She placed it on the table. “Everything seems to be in order. It was her makeup bag, some containers were filled with powder but it was just cosmetics.”

The guard nodded. “Well, then.” He rose from his chair. “Then you are free to go. Have a safe trip.”

“Thank you.” Clarke quickly grabbed her purse and hurried out of there as quickly as she could without it looking suspicious. Once she was out of sight she let out a giant sigh in relief. She was one lucky girl for not putting the drugs in her purse.

That uncomfortable encounter made her completely lose her appetite, so she skipped buying any type of food and instead went and bought a magazine and a bottle of water. She sat down on a bench, taking a sip of the water, staring at the large board and just waited. Her phone suddenly beeped, which startled her, and she rolled her eyes at herself as she saw it was just Murphy.

‘ _Everything OK? –M'_

She typed out a simple ‘yes’ and sent it quickly to not worry him. Sighing deeply, she leaned back against the bench and opened her magazine.

New York was breathtakingly beautiful. It was unlike anything Clarke had ever seen and all of the astonishing pictures didn’t do it justice at all. She had spent the entire taxi ride from the airport with her face pressed against the window, looking at all the skyscrapers, lights and yellow cars. But she had spent the whole day traveling and was exhausted, so when she reached the hotel her eyelids felt heavy with sleep. She checked in and almost fell asleep in the elevator on the way up what felt like a hundred stories. Once she finally opened the door to her hotel room she dropped all of her bags on the floor and collapsed on the bed, falling asleep instantly.  
Normally her dreams would be filled of brown eyes, freckles and warm skin against hers. Though this time was different. Instead it was all blood, fear, sweat and gunshots. She was back in the ally of New York where she had taken the man’s life. She was running, but he just kept appearing in front of her over and over. She could see the life leave his eyes on repeat, see the blood pour out of his body and hear the gunshot a thousand times. When she finally woke up it was early morning and she was covered in sweat, her heart beating so rapidly in her chest she feared she might have a heart attack. She sat up and hugged her legs, breathing heavily and shaking intensely. Tears burned her eyes and eventually rolled down her cheeks. She was sobbing, on the verge of a panic attack. Looking up from her knees she reached for her phone, fumbling to find the right number. She needed to call the one person she knew had committed the same crime as her and had found a way to live with it.

It was a relief too intense for words once she heard his voice. “Hello?”

“Monty, can I talk to you?” She asked, her voice hoarse and thick from crying.

“Of course, are you okay?” He sounded worried.

She nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. “Yeah… just, tell me about your first time.”

“My first time?”

“The first time you… killed someone.”

There was a pause of silence, she could only hear his soft breathing but somehow even that was enough. She didn’t expect him to want to share such a personal and traumatic memory with her.

“I was fifteen. My dad had set up this meeting with some… mafia or something; I didn’t know who they were, I just know they were dangerous because he gave me a gun. He got sick so he ordered me to go meet with them, he pressed the metal against my hand and… it felt so cold. I had held a gun before, only fired at a shooting range. I had never paid attention before… to the heaviness of it, the coldness, the danger… its ability to harm and kill. I did this time, because I realized I might have to use it.

“I knew there was no questioning my father, he was a very strict man. So I put the gun in a bag and then I got on in the car and drive to the destination. It didn’t take very long, just about twenty minutes or so. When I got there it was dark. Not because it was late but because the whole area just felt… I don’t know, I just got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.”

Clarke swallowed thickly, holding the phone tightly pressed against her ear, curled up on the hotel bed.

“Anyway, there was like a big garage, almost like a parking house and I went inside. There stood two guys by a giant car in there, like they were protecting something. They all looked at me and pointed their guns, looking suspicious. I raised my hands, not wanting to cause unnecessary problems and explained who I was and as soon as they heard my father’s name their expressions changed. At first they looked suspicious, like I said, but then they just looked grim. That’s when I realized I had walked right into a trap…”

“Oh my god.” Clarke whispered.

“Yeah. One of the guys went back to go get their boss, or whatever, and the other one stayed, still having his gun pointed at me. I remember trembling I was so scared. A few minutes later the guy returned with a shorter, larger man who had that kind of face that makes you look angry constantly. He asked the other two men to leave him and me alone, so they left.

“After that he asked me to give him what was in my bag, but I wasn’t stupid so I asked him for the money first. Then he pointed his gun at me and basically I didn’t have much choice other than to give it to him. Once he had it he started laughing at me, like I was just a stupid kid. He made fun of my father, our name and how pathetic it was of him to send a scrawny little boy like me and that I could search my ass for the money. He pushed me so hard I fell to my knees, and then he turned around to leave, not even the slightest bit afraid of me.”

Monty paused again, as if he was thinking.

“I think that’s what made me the angriest.” He murmured. “The fact that he looked down on me so much that he dared to just turn around, no guards or anything, just completely defenseless because he knew I couldn’t hurt him. The mistake he made, though, was underestimating my father. He wasn’t dumb, like I said he had given me a gun. At that moment I was so angry and hurt, that I just picked up the gun and fired. I hit him straight in his skull, all that practice at the shooting range had paid off. Once he fell to the ground I ran and grabbed what he took and jumped into my car and drove away as fast as I could, blood on my hands from dragging the package out of his arms.”

There was yet another long silence before Monty spoke again. “I knew I wasn’t the same man after that. Killing someone changes you, takes away a piece of your soul and innocence.”

Several more tears escaped Clarke’s eyes and she shut them tight. “How do you live with it?”

“I try to tell myself that they were bad, I didn’t kill someone innocent. They had probably killed a hundred people and were most likely going to kill again. By ending that one person’s life, I saved so many more.” He sighed. “Time, though, Clarke.” He said, understanding in his voice. “Time heals, it might take years but one day it will just be a distant memory.”

She nodded, swallowing thickly. “Thank you, Monty. I… thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Clarke. We look out for each other, okay? I love you.”

She smiled softly, wiping her tears. “I love you too.”

-

A few days later Bellamy sat with Danielle on the couch, watching a movie. It was getting late and the movie was coming to an end. Bellamy had a feeling something was wrong, Danielle hadn’t said anything during the entire thing.

He looked at her, frowning. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah…” She looked at him. “Yeah, of course.“

He kept looking at her, until she budged. “Fine!” She sighed. “I was thinking, maybe you could sleep next to me tonight? I mean… go to sleep at the same time as me.”

Bellamy was kind of thrown off by the question. He hadn’t gone to bed with her in weeks and their relationship had been more a lot more stable since he began doing this. There was no more of her hearing him talking about someone else and honestly, he didn’t know if he wanted to scratch at old wounds.

“Are you sure?” He asked carefully.

She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. “Shouldn’t I be? You said there was no one, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He said, eyes widening. “Of course, there’s no one.”

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

He nodded. “No…”

“Great.” She smiled a little, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’ll go get ready for bed.”

Bellamy followed her with his eyes as she disappeared into the bathroom. He couldn’t help but to admire his girlfriend for how kind she was. Despite everything that had happened in the past month or so she still fought for them. A sharp, burning pain shot across his stomach. He recognized it very well as guilt. He felt terrible, because while Danielle was fighting for them he was falling in love with another woman. While she forgave him over and over for his strange behavior he just kept lying to her. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. It was time he made up his mind. He needed to either let her go, or begin fighting a little harder for them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! First of all, I am so so so so sorry for the wait. To be quite honest I almost gave up on this story, my co writer is no longer working with me on this story at all and with everything else going on in my life I had to put this story aside to deal with personal stuff. But I changed the username from skyprincebellamy to what it is now, to make it feel more of my own and I am back with new energy and motivation!  
> Please leave a comment about what you think, it really keeps me going and it is honestly what made me continue this. Reading your sweet comments made me want to continue so thank you for that. It means the world. Now, enjoy chapter 12! xx

Murphy, the saint that he was (note the sarcasm) had made sure that Clarke had a meeting with the buyer eight in the morning that very next day. It was such an effort for her to get out of bed, not having gotten much sleep the previous night. She hopped into the hotel shower and made the water extra cold to fully wake herself up. Fifteen or so minutes later she got dressed. It took a second or two for her to pick out an outfit but eventually decided for her usual black jeans and leather jacket. Another reason why she had been up so late was because she had been putting all the cocaine back into its original package. It had taken nearly two hours to make sure that every bit of it got into the plastic and out of the different containers.

She put the plastic bag into her purse, zipping it shut and throwing it onto her shoulder. After one last look in the mirror and touching up her makeup she was out the door. Yesterday she hadn’t quite reflected over just how big New York really was and at the moment she wondered how the hell she was going to find her way there. Murphy had advised her not to take a taxi since _“you never know who’s driving”_ , but Clarke didn’t think she had much of a choice. It was early, she was exhausted and she was going to be very late if she didn’t find her way there soon. She walked a far bit away from the hotel she was staying in, pushing her way past people in the morning rush until she reached the road. She waved at the first yellow car she saw and thankfully it was free so it stopped right by her.

“Good morning. West Harlem, please.” Clarke said as she sat down in the backseat of the car.

The man nodded and began driving. Clarke did not know how long it would take to get there, she just hoped it would be less than twenty minutes otherwise she’d be late and she wasn’t sure how well this person she was meeting would handle that. She looked out of the window, seeing people walking down the streets and cars everywhere. It was truly a city that was never quiet or calm, it was so unlike where she came from. But she liked it, the noise made it easier to shut out anxious thoughts.

_“You on your way? –M”_

Clarke rolled her eyes at Murphy’s text. _“Yes. Description of the man please, I want to know who I’m looking for. –C”_

_“Mid 40s. Dark hair. Handsome, though he has a big scar across his face. Won’t be hard to miss. –M”_

She stared down at the message, her stomach turning uncomfortably. Part of her wondered where he could have possibly gotten that scar and what he had done to the person who gave it to him, while another part of her didn’t want to know at all. She stared out the window again, trying to take even breaths and calming herself down.

-

The next morning Bellamy had gotten up very early. He was in the kitchen, cooking Danielle’s favorite banana pancakes. He had every intention to keep the promise he had made to himself the previous night and this was just the first step. He had already set the table and had soft music playing. The clock was just after seven and Danielle always had her alarm set at seven fifteen, she would be up any minute now. He flipped the last pancake and then put it on the pile that was forming on the plate. The pancakes weren’t perfectly round what so ever, but they still tasted nice and wasn’t the flavor the most important thing anyway? He put the plate in the center of the table just as Danielle showed up in the kitchen, dressed in her nightgown, her dark hair messy from sleep.

“Good morning, my love.” Bellamy smiled brightly and walked around to pull the chair out for her. “Have a seat.”

Danielle stared at him and the entire breakfast with big eyes. She stared for so long that Bellamy started to get nervous, thinking he had done something wrong but just as he was about to ask she grinned widely.

“Are those banana pancakes?” She asked, walking over to him.

He nodded. “Yes, they are.”

Her grin widened and she sat down, clapping her hands excitedly. “Oh my God, Bell.” She beamed at him. “You didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to.” He kissed her softly. “You’ve been working so hard lately, this is the least I can do for you.”

She smiled warmly and helped herself to pancakes and syrup. “Did you make coffee?”

Bellamy nodded, bringing the pot over. “Of course.” He poured some in her cup.

Danielle took a big bite of pancake coated in the syrup and moaned at the taste. “Oh my God, they taste amazing!”

He laughed, his girlfriend reminding him of a chipmunk with her cheeks filled with food. “I’m glad.”

She pressed more into her mouth and sipped her coffee. “You are the best boyfriend in the world.” She said, voice muffled. “I love you.”

He smiled, taking a bite of his own pancakes. “I love you the most.”

This was by far the best morning they’d had together in months. Somehow it felt like when they first had fallen in love and moved in together. He’d made her breakfast all the time and they had danced around in the kitchen, sometimes after meals and sometimes while cooking together. But something was still in the back of Bellamy’s mind the entire time and it was that it felt like he was having fun and living with a friend, not his girlfriend. Making her happy made him happy, but it didn’t warm his heart the way it used to, kissing her didn’t send tingles through his body anymore and laughing when she kissed syrup from his lips didn’t feel natural or real any longer.

“I have to get to work.” She murmured into his neck, holding onto him after their dance session that had started when Danielle’s current favorite song had come onto the radio: ‘Can’t stop the feeling’ by Justin Timberlake. “Want help with the dishes?”

“No, I got them.” He pulled away from her, smiling. “You go get ready.”

“Okay.” She kissed him once more. “Thank you for this, Bell. It was really sweet.”

“No need to thank me for wanting to spoil my girl.” He cupped her face in his hands, brushing his thumb over her cheeks. “You deserve it.”

She blushed, biting down on her lip. “How I wish we had more time…” She whispered, wiggling her eyebrows and giggling.

“Me too.” Bellamy lied. “But you can’t be late, you might have to make out with your boss and then I’d have to kill him.”

Danielle laughed and shook her head. “I would never make out with him, you idiot.” She rolled her eyes.

He laughed and watched her walk off to the bathroom. Then he turned towards the table and began gathering their plates. Despite the sinking feeling in his stomach, he felt slightly relieved because he knew he had done something right and could avoid questions, at least for now.

-

“We are here, Miss.” The taxi driver announced, stopping the car. It had been fifteen minutes of non-stop driving and with just five minutes to spare, Clarke needed to hurry the fuck up.

“Thank you.” She quickly paid him and got out of the car, looking around. It didn’t look quite as dark or scary as she had imagined, in fact it looked like a regular neighborhood. It wasn’t as crowded or loud as it had been in the middle of the city and the buildings were shorter and grayer. The trees looked dead, though that might have been because of the cold season, and the building right next to her had cracked windows. Even though she had imagined worse, the place still unnerved her. She saw a sign with the street name Murphy had sent her and she began walking towards it. Her heart pounded in her chest, she didn’t usually get this nervous but the fact that she was in a foreign country with a shit ton of drugs in her bag, about to meet someone that even made Murphy nervous wasn’t exactly comforting. She let out a shaky breath and straightened her posture, walking with faked confidence, looking for the bright red door Murphy had described.  
After turning a corner she spotted it, it really stood out comparing to all the gray and brown buildings around. A black car was parked by it and whoever was in it must have seen her, because the door opened and a man stepped out. He had dark hair, was dressed entirely in black and when he turned to face her she gasped. The scar was nearly slicing his face in two. The closer she got, the scarier it made his appearance. Murphy had been right though; he was handsome, incredibly handsome with light eyes, a prominent jawline and muscular arms fighting against the fabric of his jacket. And he was tall, a lot taller than she was. But the scar and the angry look in his eyes made him look scary. One thing most criminals Clarke had met had had in common was that they all looked like regular people. None had fit the movie stereotype of what a criminal “should” look like; they had all looked like just anybody’s father, sister, daughter or uncle. This man was an exception, though. He was the first one who even had the appearance of someone dangerous, which made Clarke stare more than she intended to.

“CG?” He asked. His voice was dark and slightly rough.

Clarke nodded. It was the code name she always went by when on missions. “Yes.”

“Good. Let’s do this inside.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket, fishing out a key and unlocking the door. Clarke’s phone beeped in her pocket and the man flinched at the sound, staring at the phone as if he was trying to burn a hole into it.

Clarke ignored him, refusing to show any sign of him making her nervous, and read the message.

_“Whatever you do, do not go with him anywhere. Just make the exchange and get the fuck away. –M”_

The red door creaked as it was pulled open by the man. He made a gesture for her to enter. “Get in, CG.”

She stared at him, her head spinning with panic. He was way bigger than her and she would stand no chance of fighting him, his legs were longer so there was no way she could outrun him. Gritting her teeth so hard her jaw hurt, she nodded and walked into the pitch-black room.


	13. Chapter 13

Clarke walked with her hands extended in front of her, trying not to bump into anything inside the dark room. A click could be heard as the man turned the lights on, revealing everything inside the space. It looked like an old apartment that no one had lived in for years. It one single window, which had old magazines taped over it to keep people from looking in. A green couch stood next to the window with holes all over it, most likely from rats, and yellow foam was peeking out. In front of the couch was a table with only three legs; a moving box replaced the fourth to keep it upright. An empty bookshelf covered in dust stood beside a door, which Clarke guessed was the bathroom and on the other side of that door laid a mattress covered in stains. The only source of light in the apartment was a light bulb hanging from the ceiling with no shade around it. The entire room smelled like dust and mold.

Another click told her the man had shut the door. She turned around to face him, keeping a bored expression on her face. “Are we gonna do this or not?”

He smirked. “Yeah. We are. Show me the stuff.”

Clarke zipped open her purse and showed him the drugs without taking it out. “Now you show me the cash.”

He dug a hand into the pocket of his jacket and showed her a bundle of money.

“That’s not all.” Clarke stated, frowning. “Where’s the rest?”

“In my car. I wanted to make sure you weren’t playing any games.” He told her. “I got suspicious when your people changed who I was gonna meet.”

“Right. I’m not fucking with you, all right? Go get the money and we can be done here.”

The man raised an eyebrow, an amused smile stretching across his lips. “All business no fun, aren’t you?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, feeling incredibly uneasy in his presence. She had a gun in her purse and despite her unwillingness to use it she wouldn’t hesitate if necessary.

“Wait here.” He turned around and left the apartment, leaving the door slightly open. When he turned around Clarke could see the outline of a gun in the back of his jeans.

-

“Okay, thank you so much for today, guys. Have a good rest of your day and remember to look through the homework I gave you.” Bellamy said as he closed his briefcase. The kids said goodbye and filed out through the door. He stayed behind to make sure everything was looking nice and tidy for Miss Reyes in the morning. When he decided it all looked fine he shut the door behind him and went to the teacher’s office to grab his coat and then he was out of the building.  
He got off early on Wednesdays, which gave him plenty of time to do whatever until Danielle came home. It was a bit sad, how his days were revolving around his girlfriend and how he had to plan everything around her. He knew it wasn’t exactly healthy, but what was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to upset her any further as he might lose her. Deep down he knew that if Danielle knew just how miserable he was, she would break up with him. Because no matter how much she loved him, she would never want him to be unhappy.

Bellamy decided to go for a walk instead of heading straight home. It was only past eleven and he still hadn’t had lunch, perhaps he could swing by some café and buy a salad or something? He inhaled the fresh air, his breath coming out as smoke as he exhaled. It was getting colder, way colder, as they were heading towards winter. He quickened his pace, wrapping rubbing his glove clad hands together. A diner he had only eaten in once came into sight a few minutes later; Bellamy hurried towards it and opened the door, getting inside. It was warm, smelling of food and coffee. Most of the walls to the right were just plain window; the other sides were made of brick and had paintings of foods and coffee on them. The counter was made of dark wood, so were the tables, chairs and the couches. It was a very cozy environment with its dim lightning. Bellamy walked up to the counter where a guy his age stood.

“Hey, I’d like a coffee and…” He looked up at the menu hanging on the wall behind the counter. “A Greek salad, please.”

The guy wrote his order down on a note. “Certainly, anything else?”

“Just some water.”

“Alright. That’ll be $12.99, please.” The guy smiled.

Bellamy paid and then took a seat by the window on one of the couches, waiting for his food to arrive.

-

The guy returned with a duffle bag swung over his shoulder and black briefcase; it looked like something a stuck up lawyer would carry around. It seemed very out of character for him. He opened it up, showing her dollar bills stacked neatly inside. “That’s $50 000.” He said before snapping it shut again.

Clarke nodded. “Great. Place it on the table and I’ll do the same.”

The guy smirked and did as she said, placing the briefcase on the three-legged table. Clarke walked over and put the drugs beside it at the same time as she took the briefcase. The man quickly got a hold of the drugs and shoved them into his duffle bag.

“Pleasure doing business with you, miss.” He said, with a slight bow before exiting the room.

Clarke narrowed her eyes, glaring at his back. “Likewise, asshole.” She muttered, getting out of the room as soon as she heard his car drive off. Thankfully her taxi had waited for her, so she hurried inside it. “Thanks for waiting.”

“No problems.” The driver said, turning on the engine. “Did the drug dealing go well?”

Her eyes widened and her heart leapt inside her chest. “What?” She sounded a lot more accusing than she intended

“I’m joking.” The driver looked at her through the rear-view mirror, looking slightly surprised by her outburst. “I didn’t mean to offend you, miss.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, sighing in both annoyance and relief. “Pretty shitty joke, if you ask me.” She murmured under her breath as they started driving. As the car took her away from West Harlem she felt herself visibly relax. She had completed the mission without fucking it up; she had the money and was on her way towards safety. In a few days she would be on her way home. A small smile tugged on her lips as she stared out of the window, feeling lighter than she had in a long time.

-

I’m at a diner having lunch. I hope your day is going well. Miss you. –B

Aw, Bell. My day just got better. Love and miss you, see you tonight! –D

Bellamy smiled down at the message, chewing the last bite of his salad. He felt like he had done something right, at least. He still had plenty of time to kill, so he leaned back on the couch and ordered some more coffee. He grabbed the napkin to wipe his mouth but stopped halfway. Printed on the napkin was “Dream freely, coffee will get you through the day”. Swallowing thickly, he stared at the sentence as his stomach turned uncomfortably. He hadn’t had a dream of the blonde woman in quite a bit and the constant ache in his chest was getting harder to ignore. It had become more intense lately, almost buzzing throughout his entire body. He recognized the ache as longing; he missed her, missed seeing her in his dreams, missed talking to her and touching her.  
A waitress came by with his coffee but he barely acknowledged it happening. It was like the happiness he felt had been sucked out of him and he was left with no energy to do anything. It was like he got into a clinically depressed state in one second.

Shaking his head, he grabbed a spoon and stirred the coffee. If he wanted to fix his relationship with Danielle he couldn’t keep thinking about this. He had to move on. Why couldn’t he just be happy the dreams weren’t happening? Rubbing his temples he sighed deeply, feeling a headache coming on.

-

Clarke got out of the taxi and walked back to her hotel room. It was almost ten in the morning, yet her stomach was grumbling already. She made a mental note to see what room service could offer as a pre lunch snack.  
The streets were slightly calmer since everyone seemed to be at work or in school at this time, though it was still pretty crowded. It felt easier to breathe, knowing that the mission was over and she could enjoy the rest of her stay in New York. Once in the elevator at the hotel, she was actually smiling. Entering her room, she fell onto her bed and reached over onto the nightstand, getting the menu of room service. Her bed was so soft and comfortable and the exhaustion from lack of sleep and being on edge all day was hitting her hard. Her eyelids felt heavy with sleep. Without really noticing it happening, her head dropped onto her pillow and she drifted off to a deep sleep.

_Big, icy raindrops were falling onto Clarke’s head. She looked up at the dark sky, shivering as she felt the rain fall down her thin shirt and roll down her chest and stomach. Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked around to see her surroundings. She appeared to be on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. There were no streetlights or anything, the only source of light was the moon that was shining bright and giving everything a blue luminance. She must have been standing there for a while, because she was nearly completely soaked through._

_“Where the hell am I?” She mumbled to herself. There were no clues as to where she should be going or what she should be doing. She turned around, looking for anything that could lead the way. She was shivering badly and her breathing was becoming irregular from the cold._

_“Are you lost?”_

_Clarke spun around and saw the man with the freckles and the wavy hair stand right there. He was smiling, his brown eyes twinkling._

_“Is it possible to be lost if you don’t know where you’re going?” She asked, laughing softly. She exhaled, feeling her whole body relax despite the cold by his presence._

_He shrugged his black jacket off and threw it around her shoulders. “I don’t know. Let’s walk together until we find someplace warm?”_

_She nodded, taking his hand in hers, feeling tingly by the touch. They began walking and for some strange reason she wasn’t cold anymore, she didn’t even feel wet. Looking down on herself she noticed that she was in fact dry. Frowning, she looked back up at the man and noticed that the scene had completely changed. The sky was a bright blue, though some dark clouds could still be seen fading away, the ground was dry and a few houses could be seen in the distance._

_“What just happened?” She asked in confusion._

_He looked around, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “I don’t know.” He stopped walking. “I missed you.”_

_“I missed you too.” Clarke looked into his eyes, feeling a lump form in her throat. “So much.”_

_He nodded, his eyes shiny with tears. He grabbed her other hand, leaning his forehead against hers. “I don’t know why but I feel… closer to you than ever. Like some barrier has been torn down.”_

_“Yeah, I feel it too.” She squeezed his hands. “Do you think… we’re close to meeting?”_

_“Maybe. I hope so.” He kissed her softly, sending electric jolts of pleasure through her body._

_“I’m scared.” She admitted, biting down on her lip._

_He sighed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. “I am too, but this is meant to happen so we just have to trust that whatever’s happening is meant to.”_

_“Yeah.” Clarke felt the familiar force dragging her away. She let go of his hands and he waved goodbye. She didn’t know why, but somehow this felt like the last dream she’d have before meeting him. It was sad, scary and exhilarating all at once. With her head spinning and her stomach fluttering, she allowed herself to fade into darkness._

Clarke gasped as she woke up, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Her right arm was completely numb from her sleeping on it. Sitting up she began to absentmindedly shaking it, moving her fingers to wake it up. Her mind was somewhere else, still in the dream with the man. What the hell was going on? Why did that dream feel more vivid and so different from the others?  
The sun was still shining in through the giant windows so she couldn’t have slept for that long. She looked over at the clock, it was 12:15 and she was fucking starving. She stood up and grabbed her jacket and purse.

“Fuck room service.” She mumbled, slamming the door behind her.

-

The clock had become 12:28 and Bellamy was still at the diner, sipping his coffee very slowly. The rush of people looking for a place to eat lunch was still going, he noticed as he looked out the window. He decided to wait until it had calmed down before heading home. He was a little tired so a nap would probably do him some good. The waitress gave him a friendly smile from the counter, making a gesture as to ask if he wanted more coffee. Bellamy declined as he drank the last sip of the now cold coffee still in his cup. Once again his gaze turned towards the window, as if he was waiting for something, apart from the rush to be over. Something just subconsciously drew his eyes to the outside.

It was a miracle really, that he noticed it, but he did. His heart sped up immensely, his eyes widening and his breath hitching in his throat. It was like the biggest blast of adrenaline imaginable. He could practically feel his heart pumping blood out through every little vein in his body, giving him some sort of superpower to run, faster than lightning. Because that was what he fucking needed to do now, run like he never had in his entire life.  
Getting to his feet, nearly knocking the table over in the process, he threw his coat back on and grabbed his scarf, putting it on as he ran. Apologizing to a lady he bumped into in his haste, he hurried out the door and out on the street. Pushing past people, elbowing his way forward, not caring if he was being rude. Nothing mattered except to catch up to her.

 _Her_. He’d seen her. He’d seen her right fucking _now_. A woman in a leather jacket with long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes as she’d stared right into the diner, just not at him. The woman he’d been dreaming of for months now, had walked right past him, and he would be damned if he lost her now. He continued running, ignoring people’s vulgar comments about him.

But the crowd was too thick and too many people were blonde and wearing dark clothes. Before he knew it, he turned a corner as the street ended and she was gone. He looked around, spinning in circles as he tried to spot her but she was nowhere to be found. Apartments, stores, diners and cafés were everywhere with people in and outside of them, cars were rushing past him on the road and the chatter of everyone talking was making him feel disoriented. He had lived in New York his whole life and never had the sound bothered him, but now it did. He felt overwhelmed as he continued to run and straining his neck as he tried to see over people’s heads for her. He continued for a good ten minutes before he gave up. Stopping in the middle of the park he’d now reached, completely out of breath, he felt tears stinging his eyes.

She was gone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, Bellamy and Clarke are one step closer to meeting! ;)

“She’s real.” Bellamy heard himself breathe out. “She’s real. I saw her… I’m not crazy.” He must have looked like a maniac, though, pacing around in his apartment later the same day he’d come across the woman. He kept muttering the same words over and over again.

“She’s real.” A part of him was relieved, ecstatic even. But the other was sad and heavy, because this meant the story was true and he had been dreaming of his soulmate all along. It all came down to one thing: Danielle wasn’t the woman he was meant to be with, not according to destiny.

Shaking his head, he sat down on the couch. He was still wearing the blazer and button down from work, which was starting to get very warm in his frantic state. Shrugging the blazer off, he threw it somewhere on the floor, his eyes glued to a random spot on the wall as his mind was racing.  
He didn’t know what to do. He had no fucking clue as to what to do. He had a girlfriend who he never wanted to hurt but he’d just seen his soulmate walk right past him. This changed everything. Now he knew for sure it wasn’t just a myth and that those dreams weren’t just… dreams. They were there for a reason, he was there for a reason and she had just walked by for a reason; they were meant to be together.

But how would he explain that to Danielle? She didn’t believe in the theory. Maybe he didn’t have to tell her that part, maybe he could just say something else.

No, she deserved the truth. He still loved her and he didn’t want her to think she wasn’t good enough. Suddenly a huge lump formed in his throat and his eyes began to sting. He hadn’t cried in so long… but now there seemed to be no stopping it. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he had to grit his teeth together hard to keep his mouth shut, because he knew that if he’d open it ugly sobs would escape. Burying his face in his hands, he rocked back and forth on the couch, digging his fingers into his eyes.

Wasn’t it supposed to feel good to find your soulmate? The person you were destined to be with?

-

Clarke stopped dead in her tracks, frowning. Something didn’t feel right, though she had no idea just what. She turned around, staring back at the street she’d just walked past. People were everywhere so it was hard to see, whatever the hell she was supposed to see. She began walking back; looking around and stopping in front of the diner she had considered entering. Looking in through the window again, she wondered if maybe she shouldn’t have walked past it. The smell of food made her stomach rumble, so without further dwelling she went in and walked up to the counter to order some lunch. As the girl took her order she looked behind her shoulder, her eyes falling on a seat just by the window where an empty plate and cup stood.

“I will come out when your order is ready.” The woman behind the counter said. Clarke nodded and immediately took the seat she had been staring at. It was still warm from someone sitting there. Her fingers fell down onto the faux leather that clad the couch; she ran them over it and felt a tingling sensation spread throughout her entire body.

Who had just been sitting here? Why did she feel so… drawn to this particular seat? There were so many questions running through her mind. Her eyes scanned the table, trying to look for any possible clues. All she could see was the plate with some pieces of salad left, some smeared out dressing and an empty cup. She wrapped her hands around the cup; it was still warm from whatever liquid had been inside. Leaning forward and smelling the cup the strong scent of coffee ran up her nostrils and filled her entire mind.

“Oh, sorry ma’am, let me take care of that.”

Clarke started at the voice and immediately let go of the cup, leaning back and looking up at the waitress staring at her.

“Y-Yeah, thanks.” She felt like an idiot as the waitress took away the plate and cup, leaving her table clean and empty. The waitress must have thought she was insane for smelling a stranger’s old coffee.

Leaning on her right elbow, Clarke rested her chin in her hand, staring at the empty table. She zooned out for a moment, her eyes staring at the same spot for a long time. Something thin, dark and a little… curly could be seen right next to the spot that she was looking at. The foreign thing came into focus and she noticed it was a strand of hair. A black, curly lock of short hair. Most people would probably have been disgusted by seeing hair on the table of which they were about to eat, and Clarke would have been too but for some reason she wasn’t disgusted by this strand of hair.

Reaching out, she picked it up and held it between her thumb and index finger, examining it from every angle. Without really knowing what the fuck she was doing, she leaned in and fucking smelled the strand of hair. It didn’t smell like anything and only tickled her nose, which made her hand fly up to her face to rub her nose.

“What the hell am I doing?” Clarke murmured to herself and let go of the hair, allowing it to fall to the floor. She was officially losing her mind.

A few minutes later the waitress came over, holding a tray with waffles, bacon, Fettuccine Alfredo, English breakfast tea and a glass of coke. Hell yeah she was having both breakfast _and_ lunch.

“Here you go, miss. I hope you enjoy, let me know if you need anything else.” The waitress smiled at her, winking as she walked off, her red hair swaying. Clarke watched her for a moment, briefly wondering if she had been flirting with her. Normally Clarke wouldn’t hesitate to ask for her number or at least flirt back, but something was holding her back right now.

Shaking her head, she dug into her food. Starting with the ‘breakfast’, almost moaning, as she tasted the waffles and the bacon. She wolfed it down a little too fast and instantly moved on to the fettuccine. Fifteen minutes later she had finished all the food and leaned back in her seat, feeling close to vomiting. Her stomach strained against her pants but it was so worth it. She allowed herself ten more minutes to process the food before she left the diner to go back to the hotel, she needed to call Murphy and let him know the mission was complete.

-

When Danielle came home from work that evening, Bellamy knew he wasn’t ready. He needed to see the other woman one more time first… God, it sounded like he was cheating on her. But he had to make sure he had _really_ seen her and that whatever this thing was- was _real_.

“Hey, baby.” Danielle smiled, pressing a kiss to his head. She instantly noticed that he seemed down, she always saw right through him. “What’s wrong?”

Bellamy was still sitting on the couch, though he had gotten up to shower and change into sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked up at her, his stomach tying into knots. Her brown eyes looked so sincere, so concerned. Her brown hair was in loose waves and her red lipstick was smudged off from eating. She was beautiful, she was an amazing woman and Bellamy felt like shit for what he wanted to say, what he _almost_ said. He knew he wouldn’t be able to come up with an excuse good enough for her to let it go, so he did the only thing that came to mind: which was to crash his lips against hers.

She made a noise of surprise and kind of froze for a second, but only for a second because then her arms fell around his neck, pulling him close. His hands traveled up her back, the kiss growing deeper and deeper. They hadn’t been intimate in so long, because of everything that had been going on. Bellamy could feel her desperation through their kiss, her hands were trembling and her whole body was quivering. Her hands moved down his body and tugged at his shirt, he raised his hands over his head so she could take it off. She pulled away for a moment to admire him, her dark eyes twinkling with lust. Bellamy smiled at her as she attached her lips to his skin, kissing and touching him all over – as if they were discovering each other for the first time.

Bellamy leaned his head back, sighing in pleasure as she worked down his stomach, dropping to her knees. Danielle was so dominant in their everyday life: she took charge, scared the shit out of people in her high heels and red lipstick, she was bossy and she always got what she wanted. But when it came to sex she was different. She was softer, submissive, and eager to please and show how much she loved the person she was intimate with. Danielle had never been one for one night stands; she needed to have a connection with the person she slept with.

Being a man in his early twenties, Bellamy’s body reacted instantly to her touches. He breathed heavily, moaning as she wrapped her lips around his most intimate part. She watched him with her brown eyes, smudging her lipstick all over him. Part of him wanted to close his eyes and not look at her… it felt wrong to have sex with someone who wasn’t the blonde woman. But the other part of him would feel guilty if he looked away, since she trusted him enough to be so vulnerable. He would never want her to feel like he was just using her.

She stood up and kissed him, kicking her heels off. Bellamy unbuttoned her shirt and threw it onto the floor. He ran his fingers along her ribs on her sides, which he knew drove her crazy, to reach behind her and unclasp her bra before they fell back onto the couch. His heart was racing and she was panting as he moved down on her, taking her pants and underwear off in one swift motion. A sharp moan escaped her lips as he put his lips on her, her familiar scent and taste consuming him, only it didn’t drive him mad like it used to. Though her sounds and the way she was writhing underneath him was enough to keep him going.

Her thighs clamped around his head as she screamed out in pleasure, wetness gushing out of her and onto Bellamy’s face. She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up, kissing him deeply, wrapping her legs around his waist. He felt her smiling into the kiss and he felt a relief inside his chest that she was happy, that’s all he wanted for her. When she was later on top of him, eyes closed and lips parted in bliss, Bellamy allowed himself to close his eyes as well, focusing on nothing in particular. They met each other’s thrusts, moving in nearly perfect unison, something years of being together made possible. The familiar burning sensation formed in the pit of Bellamy’s stomach and minutes later they were both screaming out in pleasure, a rushing sound in their ears and their breathing unsteady. There was only one difference: Danielle was saying his name, and Bellamy wasn’t saying anything.

-

“Clarke? About bloody time! Your mission was done nearly eight hours ago, what the fuck have you been doing?

Clarke rolled her eyes, holding the phone an inch away from her ear as he was yelling. “Are you done?” She asked, once he quieted down.

“Depends.” Murphy said in annoyance. “Do you have a good explanation?”

“My _explanation_ is that I got zero fucking sleep last night, had no breakfast and fell asleep once I got back. Then I went outside to get some bloody lunch, so I wouldn’t actually starve to death. That’s my excuse.” She said angrily.

Murphy sighed. “Fine. Since we’re talking it means you’re alive at least.”

“No, you’ve been talking to a ghost this whole time.”

“Don’t be a smartass, Clarke. How did the mission go?”

Clarke rolled her eyes once more. “Fine. I went over, gave over the drugs and got the money. It’s all good.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re alright.” He said sounding relieved.

“Me too.” She laughed, feeling lighter than she had since she left England.

Murphy yawned. “Well, it’s fucking early over here so I’m gonna go back to sleep. I’ll call you later.”

“Sure, sweet dreams.” Clarke chuckled; she could almost hear Murphy rolling his eyes through the phone before the line went dead.


	15. Chapter 15

Bellamy had been awake for a while when he felt Danielle begin to stir next to him. They were all wrapped up in each other and the covers, all hot and sweaty but she didn’t seem to mind so neither did he. Her long hair was spread throughout his chest, tickling him slightly as she began to move. He slowly ran his hand up and down her back, kissing her head and a comfortable sigh escaped her lips.

“Good morning.” He murmured.

Danielle looked up at him, resting her chin against his chest. Her make up was smudged all over her face but she was still beautiful. “Good morning.” She smiled, her eyes shining with happiness.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Oh, like a baby.” She rolled off of him, sitting up in the bed and stretching. “What time is it?”

Bellamy grabbed his phone from the nightstand; feeling slightly worried from the way the sun was shining through the window. It was probably way later than they thought. “Oh shit, it’s nearly 11.”

“WHAT?!” Danielle exclaimed, her eyes widening in panic. She was out of bed in a matter of seconds. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking fuck!”

Biting down on his lips, he tried to hold back the laugh threatening to come out. It was Thursday, which meant he had a day off, but Danielle didn’t. Her shift usually started at 10 in the morning. “Do you want me to call Mr. Martinez while you shower?”

“Yes!” Danielle called out from the hallway. “My phone’s in my purse.”

Bellamy got out of bed and put on the sweatpants he’d worn yesterday. He found her purse on the floor next to their dresser and when he unlocked her phone he saw that she had about eight missed calls and messages, all from Mr. Martinez. Rolling his eyes, Bellamy dialed his number.

 _“Danielle, niña bonita! Where are you?”_ A man with a strong accent answered the phone, sounding distressed as hell.

“Hello, Mr. Martinez.” Bellamy said, holding back a laugh at the gasp he heard on the other end.

 _“Who is this?”_ Mr. Martinez asked quietly after a moment of silence.

Bellamy walked over to the fridge, taking out a can of orange juice. “I’m Bellamy, the boyfriend. I am calling to announce that Danielle had a terrible migraine this morning but she will be coming in shortly. She apologizes for not letting you know sooner, I just got home and she had just gotten up.”

 _“Oh dear.”_ Mr. Martinez sounded genuinely worried. _“Well, it’s no problemo… I called in Abigail so we’ve managed.”_ He cleared his throat. _“Are you sure niña- I mean Danielle should come in if she’s feeling ill?”_

“Oh yeah.” Bellamy took a sip of juice. “Expect her in fifteen. And by the way, Mr. Martinez, her name is Danielle. Try to remember that.”

He could almost hear the other man blush on the other end. _“I, uh… yes, of course. Good day, Bellamy.”_

The line went dead and Bellamy let out a laugh he’d been holding in the entire conversation. He surely had been feeling jealous when this whole thing with Mr. Martinez had started, but he was no longer in the slightest. It was so liberating, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still fun to mess with the man who had the nerve to flirt with a woman in a relationship.

“What did he say?” Danielle arrived in the kitchen, hair soaking wet and dripping down on her light blue dress shirt.

Bellamy chuckled. “Mostly stuttering his concerns about you, I think I scared him.”

Danielle frowned at him, but a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Why did you do that?”

“Because he flirts with a woman in a relationship.” He walked over to her and put his hands on her waist.

“Oh damn, you are ruthless.” She sighed, trailing her nail over his arm. “I wish I didn’t have to go, I’d rather go for a round two with you.”

Smiling a little, Bellamy grabbed her hand and kissed it. “There’s always time for that later.”

Danielle returned his smile. “Is that a promise?”

“Sure is.” Bellamy said, feeling slightly uncomfortable doing so.

“I have to hurry. See you tonight, Bell.” She kissed him and then grabbed her bag before hurrying out the door.

-

Clarke looked at her plane ticket home; it stated that she was leaving in two days, on the 24th of October. She did feel slightly anxious having 50 000 dollars in cash in her hotel room so it was kind of a relief to go home soon.

“What the hell am I gonna do today?” She sighed, sitting down on the bed. Looking out of the window, she realized she hadn’t really explored the city at all. Tilting her head to the left, shrugging, she murmured ‘what the hell’ before grabbing her purse and heading out.

The weather was perfect; clear blue sky, sun shining and a slight warmth in the air. Clarke wondered if Mother Nature had gotten the seasons confused. It was supposed to be autumn after all. Unzipping her leather jacket, she began walking along the sidewalk. Clarke had never been one for traditional sightseeing; she had no desire to visit the statue of liberty or empire state building. Something that did sound tempting to her though, was central park.

Upon arrival, a big smile spread across her lips. The park was just as big and wonderful as she had expected. It wasn’t as green as in all the pictures she’d seen; instead it was red, yellow and orange. It was a burst of color midst all of the gray buildings. The leaves lay like a thick blanket over the grass, making crunchy noises as she walked on them, some trees stood completely bare while others still had the colorful leaves attached, people were seated on benches or walking over the bridge that stretched over the lake. Clarke had the urge to lay down and roll around among the leaves, or perhaps make a giant pile to jump in. She felt like a child again and she was sure that if no people had been around, she would have done exactly what her urge was telling her to. Taking a seat on one of the benches, she reached into her pocket and took out her phone to take some pictures. As she was snapping photos of all the beauty the park had to offer, a figure appeared in front of her, blocking her sight.

“Excuse me?” She said in annoyance, looking up into the face of whoever had decided to stand right in her space. It was a young man with blonde hair and green eyes. He would have been quite handsome, if it weren’t for the arrogant sneer on his face.

He laughed. “Oh, I thought you couldn’t make it more obvious that you are a tourist, but then you open your mouth and speak with the most British accent I’ve ever heard.”

Clarke furrowed her brows. “The most British accent you’ve ever heard, huh? Well someone clearly hasn’t gotten out much.”

The man laughed again and took a seat next to her; Clarke seriously wondered where in that sentence he found an invitation. Americans were weird. “So, is it your first time in New York?”

“Yeah.” Now that he was out of the way, she took the photo before putting her phone back in her pocket.

“What do you think?”

“It’s fine.” She shrugged.

He raised an eyebrow. “Just fine? Huh, I was expecting something more considering the amount of pictures you just took.”

Clarke glared at him. “I happen to enjoy the nature, the people is what lowered the grade.”

“Ouch.” The man placed his hand on his heart, pretending to be crushed.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Drama queen.”

“No, it’s actually Jeffrey.” He smiled, offering her his hand. “Jeffrey Davis.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, looking at his hand long enough for him to get the hint and withdraw it. “Eliza Taylor.” She lied.

“Nice to meet you, Eliza.”

-

Bellamy sat down by his laptop, an apple in his mouth and a water bottle in his hand. Sitting down, he took a bite of the apple before placing it on the coffee table. He had given up trying to rid himself of the dreams by working out, but ever since he started he had noticed an improvement in his overall well being so for that reason he had continued, just not as frequently. Healthy eating had also become a part of his day, so an apple instead of that snickers bar before lunch was essential. Looking out of the window, he noticed what a beautiful day it seemed to be. He had not been out for his run yet; he liked to do that around the evening, to watch the sunset. But perhaps a walk would not be so bad?

Throwing on his coat, Bellamy was out the door. It was warm enough for him to leave his coat open, though when the wind hit it was a bit chilly as if to remind him that summer was long gone. He had no particular destination in mind, but weirdly enough he walked as if he did. It was like he had an invisible map in front of him, guiding him as to when to turn and so forth. Bellamy hardly even noticed this until he found himself on the other side of Manhattan, wondering how the hell he got there. Amongst the buildings he saw an orange field in the corner of his eye: central park. A smile tugged on the corner of his mouth as a memory flashed through his mind:

_“Big brother, I want to feed the birdies!” Six-year-old Octavia said, tugging on his sleeve while jumping up and down in the thick snow._

_Bellamy laughed softly at her enthusiasm. “O, you know the birds are not here in the winter.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“You see, when it gets cold, the birds fly south to a warmer place.” He explained._

_Octavia pouted. “Oh no! Will they ever come back?”_

_“Of course they will, as soon as the snow melts away.” Bellamy promised her._

_Octavia’s face shone up all over again. “Goodie! Can we please go see if maybe just one chose to stay?”_

_“I don’t think they have-“_

_“Please, Bellamy!” She tugged harder on his sleeve. “What if one was forgotten? We need to rescue it!”_

_“Okay, okay. We’ll go.” He smiled, taking her hand and began walking towards the snow-covered park._

Bellamy sighed, feeling an ache inside his chest from the memory. Despite this he continued his subconscious path towards the park. As he got closer he felt that ache subside while his mind got occupied with the beauty of all the colors. Laughter of children could be heard, barking from a dog, the crisp sound of leaves getting crushed beneath shoes. He inhaled the fresh air, his eyes falling closed for a moment.

-

Clarke already considered her trip to the park ruined, so she saw no reason as to why she should stay on this bench with this annoying man.

“If you excuse me, I have somewhere to be.” She lied, standing up.

Jeffrey raised an eyebrow. “Got a boyfriend waiting for you?”

“No, I just have better things to do than….” He words died in her throat as her eyes fell on the bridge she had just walked on a few minutes ago. People were coming and going, but her gaze landed on one particular person. This person made her heart stop beating, before it began racing violently a second after. She had to blink rapidly to ensure she wasn’t imagining it, she even went as far as pinching her skin a little too hard. It was real, she wasn’t dreaming. A man with dark, curly hair and tanned skin dressed in a black coat was walking in her direction just a few meters away.

“Better things to do than what?”

Clarke barely heard Jeffrey speak before she broke into a run. She did not even know what the fuck to say when she reached him; she just knew that she had to do something now before it was too late. The man she had been having insane dreams of for the past few months was standing right fucking there. The ground was vibrating, adrenaline was pumping through her blood and her vision was clear as day, set on the man. He had not seen her yet; his eyes were staring at the ground as he was walking quite slowly towards her. Clarke was almost there, almost. Her mind was racing with questions as to how the hell this was possible. Just a few seconds later she was there, stopping right in front of him. The sound of her steps, the feel of her presence made him look up and the second he did it all made sense. His dark eyes widened, his jaw dropped and a tiny gasp escaped his lips. Recognition was visible all over his beautiful, freckled face because he knew her too. _He had been dreaming of her too._

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

“You’re real.”

Clarke spoke the words in a breathy voice, her eyes wide as she looked at the man in front of her. So much was happening inside of her all at once, so many emotions and thoughts swirling all around within. She wanted to touch him, to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming. She wanted to kiss him, to hug him, to inhale his scent. But could she? Something was holding her back.

The man smiled, letting out a breathy laugh. “Oh my god.” He spoke in his American accent, a hand coming up to cover his mouth. He was a reflection of her as he stared with the same amount of disbelief through wide eyes.

“What’s your name?” Clarke needed to know. She had been wondering for ages. What was the name of her soulmate?

“Bellamy. Bellamy Blake.” He said. “What’s yours?”

Something clicked inside her mind. Bellamy Blake. Blake. She knew those eyes, that dark hair, that strong jaw line… she had seen it before, a thousand times but for some reason she couldn’t figure out where.

“I’m Clarke Griffin.”

“Clarke.” He spoke her name in that wonderful accent. He was smiling now, so widely and it was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. “Can I...?” He reached out as if to touch her face. Clarke nodded and his hand fell on her cheek. She could feel him trembling.

“Forgive me if I’m shaking… you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever touched.” He whispered.

Clarke felt her cheeks heat up. “It’s alright.” She placed her hand on top of his, feeling a tingling sensation throughout her entire body. It was overwhelming but in the best possible way.

Bellamy’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “You’re so… perfect. I can’t believe-“

“I know. I feel it too.” At the same time they closed the distance between them, wrapping each other up in a tight hug. They grasped onto each other for dear life, afraid they would disappear if they let go.

-

As Bellamy held her in his embrace, inhaling her sweet scent he felt tears well up in his eyes. For the past few months nothing had made sense, he had had a big knot of anxiety and worry inside his stomach. But the instant he touched this woman, Clarke, that knot disappeared and clarity so intense hit him, like when you wipe fog off your glasses. Somehow no words could ever be enough to describe this moment, nothing could have done it justice, and so they stayed silent and just held each other. People around them must have thought they were strange for just standing like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms. But neither Bellamy nor Clarke had a care in the world.

After God knows how long, they pulled away but still held each other at arms length. Bellamy looked at the beautiful woman in front of him, seeing her properly through his own eyes and not through a dream. He could finally look into her piercing blue eyes, feel her soft, blonde hair, hold her hand and see the contrast between her pale skin and his dark complexion, he could see the mole right above her lip… and those lips, those pink, soft-looking lips. How he wanted to kiss her.

Clarke’s eyes dropped to his lips and her tongue peeked out to wet her own, she seemed to have the same idea. As if someone had taken over his body, Bellamy began leaning in. He could see her lips part as she gasped for breath, her eyes widening in anticipation. _She wanted him to kiss her_. She began to lean forward also, her eyes fluttering shut, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks and she was so close, so very close. Bellamy could feel her breath against his lips and that’s when reality came crashing down on him. He took a step back and shut his eyes, feeling as if someone sucked the air right out of him.

“I can’t.”

Her eyes opened and stared at him in confusion. “Why?” She looked nearly desperate, her voice coming out completely breathless.

God, he was just as desperate as her. It took all of his willpower not to close the distance between them. “I have a girlfriend. I can’t… I can’t do that to her.” He shook his head. He may not be in love with Danielle anymore, but he still cared about her deeply. Cheating on her was not something he could do.

He wished he hadn’t looked at Clarke when he said the world ‘girlfriend’. Something changed in her eyes and she swallowed thickly, nodding her head. “Right. You have a girlfriend…”

Bellamy pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s complicated, Clarke. We’ve been together for a very long time-“

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” She said calmly.

“But I do, don’t I?” He sighed, offering her his hand. “How about we… go somewhere so we can talk in private?”

She looked at his hand for a moment before nodding, taking it and entwining their fingers. He offered her a small smile, trying to ignore the tingling feeling he felt from the mere touch of her as they began walking.

-

_God, I’m so bloody stupid._

Clarke mentally cursed herself repeatedly as she walked with Bellamy to God knows where. But she trusted him, strangely. Okay, maybe not that strange… he was her soulmate after all, right?

He had to be, no one had ever made her feel the way he did and she had only known him for twenty minutes. If the real thing was any stronger she wasn’t sure if she’d survive it. So yeah… soulmate. He was her soulmate.

_I have a girlfriend._

Of course he fucking does. He is beautiful, the most striking man she had ever laid eyes on. Someone like him was guaranteed to be taken. But how was that even possible? If the universe had some plan for them to be together, why did he have a girlfriend? Was this some mean joke? Is God -or Mother Nature, or whoever the fuck- laughing their ass off, sitting on a cloud and watching them?

Who was she, his girlfriend? Was she beautiful? Did she make him laugh? Clarke betted she did all of those things. She must know Bellamy a hundred times better than she does, so if she was going to have to compete… Clarke never competed for anyone’s attention. She never got involved if the person she liked was interested in multiple people. It was too messy. But this was different… wasn’t it?

“So… where are we going? Your place?” Clarke found herself asking after a few minutes of walking.

Bellamy nodded. “Yes, Danielle will not be home from work until seven. It should be fine.”

Clarke swallowed thickly, feeling a twinge of jealousy poke her insides. “Is that… the name of your girlfriend?” She tried to sound causal, God, she really did.

“Yes.”

Danielle. Her name was even beautiful. Clarke rolled her eyes and sighed. They stayed quiet for the rest of their walk but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, far from it actually. Bellamy stopped walking outside of just another giant building; they were all so similar Clarke found it difficult to tell them apart. He dialed some code and then swung the door open, holding it for her so she could go first. An elevator took them to the sixth floor. The walls were all in brick, it was nothing too fancy, not that Clarke was used to that anyway. Bellamy and… Danielle apparently lived in number 49. When Bellamy unlocked the door and gestured her to walk in, Clarke had the strangest feeling. It didn’t feel the way it does when you enter a strangers’ home for the first time; it felt like coming home.

The inside was way cleaner than the outside, in the sense of interior design. The walls were white with some artistic pieces hanging on them, the furniture had a similar color scheme: dark wood with grey or nude details. The apartment had a small hallway, which led directly into either the kitchen or living room, depending if you went left or right, had two doors. Clarke guessed one was the bathroom and the other some office or perhaps a storage room. The living room was very bright from the large windows letting in sunlight. There was a door in between the two windows, which led to a balcony. On the opposite side of the balcony was another room: the bedroom. Clarke swallowed thickly as she saw the unmade bed and pieces of clothing scattered everywhere, including a red bra.

“It’s… nice.” She said, looking away from the bedroom. She felt weird looking at her supposed soulmate’s girlfriend’s underwear.

“Thank you.” Bellamy took off his jacket and hung it up, offering to take Clarke’s but she decided to keep it on. They sat down on the very comfortable, gray couch. Despite the fact that Clarke felt just as much as home in this apartment as she did back in England, there was some tension in the air. Maybe it wasn’t the place itself that made her feel like home, maybe it was just the fact that Bellamy was there with her.

“So… this is your place.” Clarke wasn’t very good at small talk, she never spent time around people she had to small talk with.

Bellamy nodded. “Yeah. Excuse the mess, I didn’t know I’d have… company.” He scratched the back of his neck. Clarke’s eyes fell down to his arms. Damn, he was muscular as hell; it was more evident now than ever when the jacket was off.

“You call this a mess? You should see my place, that is bloody chaos.” Clarke laughed softly. “But then again, I live with four other people.”

“You do?” Bellamy asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, they’re like my family. Took me in when I basically had nothing, I wouldn’t be here without them.” The words were just pouring out of her; she would never share this much this quickly with anyone. But then again, Bellamy wasn’t just anyone, was he?

Bellamy frowned. Clarke mentally cursed herself for over sharing, if he gave her a pitying glance just once… she was out.

“I’m gonna get some juice. Do you want anything?” He asked.

She was surprised by the sudden change of topic. “Uh… yeah, I can have some juice.”

He nodded and got up, walking out into the kitchen. Clarke looked around in the living room, though somehow her eyes kept returning to their bedroom. She could imagine Bellamy in there, shirtless, wrapped up in the covers, sound asleep. It was a very pleasing thought. She could also imagine herself next to him, it was almost like a movie playing before her eyes: how he would turn and wrap his muscular arms around her, pressing his firm body against hers and breathe against her neck. She could almost feel it against her skin just like she could feel the safety she would feel with him next to her. Her daydream was interrupted by an awful image, which almost made her run out the door. Beside the bed, on the night stand, was a pack of condoms and on the floor, also beside the bed, was a pair of panties… the same red color as the bra.

“I’m gonna puke.” Clarke spoke out loud, standing up.

“What?” Bellamy frowned. He had returned without her noticing and was standing in front of her with two glasses of what looked like apple juice in his hands.

Clarke shut her eyes, inhaling and exhaling to compose herself. “It’s nothing. This is just… weird. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Wait, what happened? How did you turn on a leaf so quickly?”

“Oh, I don’t know? Maybe it had something to do with the condoms and used panties on the floor in your bedroom!” She was acting like a jealous, clingy girlfriend and it made her want to hurl even more. It was so unlike her. “What the hell is wrong with me?” She muttered under her breath. “I need to… I’m gonna leave.”

Bellamy quickly put the glasses down on the table. “No, please.” He put his hands on her arms, causing Clarke to feel slightly lightheaded. “I’m sorry… I don’t know what to say.”

“No, it’s… I’m acting foolish. I never behave like this and I don’t know why I’m doing it right now, it’s just freaking me out, Bellamy. This whole thing is freaking me out!” Clarke realized she was yelling, so she took a deep breath and quieted down.

“Look, Clarke… it’s freaking me out too.” He admitted. “But at the same time it feels right, more right than anything. I think we need to talk about this, don’t we? Please stay.”

She looked at him for a moment. Fuck, as if she could say no to those brown, beautiful eyes. She sighed and sat down on the couch. “Fine.” She grabbed her glass and took a large sip. “I want to ask some questions.”

“Of course, go ahead.” Bellamy nodded.

“How long have you been together?” Here we go again with the crazy, clingy girlfriend shit.

“Three years.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “And you’re still using condoms?” She had said it before she had time to contemplate her use of words. “Fuck, sorry… that came out wrong.”

Bellamy’s cheeks turned slightly pink. He laughed softly and shook his head. “Yeah, we do. Danielle can’t take birth control, she’s really sensitive towards it, it kind of messes up her body.”

“You didn’t have to explain that…” Clarke felt herself blush too, mostly because she was embarrassed. “Does she know about the dreams?”

“Yes and no.” He sighed, looking troubled. “Apparently I was talking in my sleep when they first started happening, she thought I was cheating and we nearly broke up. I did everything I could to save our relationship… all I wanted was for those dreams to go away. I hated hurting her.”

Clarke bit down on her lip, nodding. “I take it you love her a lot, huh?”

“I do.” He looked at her. “But… I’m not in love with her anymore. I don’t think I have been for a while. That-“ He pointed to the bedroom. “-hadn’t happened in months, because I don’t feel that way about her anymore.”

“But it happened yesterday. How come?”

“I was about to tell her everything. About the dreams, that I wasn’t in love anymore but I chickened out. She could tell something was wrong so I needed to distract her and…“

“Oh, I get it.” Clarke nodded.

Bellamy sighed. “It’s not fair to her. She’s such an amazing woman, she deserves someone who can love her the way you’re supposed to be loved.”

“Which is exactly why you need to tell her.” Clarke said, raising an eyebrow. “Whatever happens with us… you’re not in love anymore and it’s not fair to keep her hanging on.”

“I know that.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What about you, do you have anyone?”

Clarke debated her answer in her head for a moment. Did she? Octavia came to mind, but that was more of a physical thing… sure, she loved her more than anyone in the world but were they really girlfriends? Those words had never been spoken.

“Yeah, I do.” She decided. Whatever her and Octavia were, they were still something and that something meant the world to Clarke.

“What’s their name?”

She looked over at Bellamy. “Her name is Octavia.”

Something changed in his expression for a moment and a flicker of sadness could be seen in his eyes. “Octavia?”

“Yeah… what, do you know someone by that name?”

Bellamy’s gaze dropped to his hands as he nodded. “Yeah. I used to.” He shook his head. “Never mind. So, is she your girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t exactly put a label on it.” She shrugged.

He nodded, taking a sip of juice. Once more a comfortable silence fell upon them. Clarke noticed Bellamy sneaking glances at her from time to time.

“What?” She asked, blushing under his gaze.

He laughed softly, shaking his head. “Nothing, I just can’t believe you’re here.”

Clarke smiled. “I can’t believe it either.”

There was so much he didn’t know about her, though. About her criminal lifestyle and the baggage that came with it. She wondered if he would still want to be with her if he found out all of her deepest darkest secrets. Part of her didn’t want to find out and maybe she never would, because she didn’t think she would ever be able to tell him.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my wonderful readers! I know it's been a whole century since I updated, but with graduation and starting a new job... I've been crazy busy. I'll try to update more often, I promise. Now, enjoy chapter seventeen! xoxo

The next couple of hours became a lot more relaxed. Clarke didn’t know how she ended up sprawled out on the couch with her head in Bellamy’s lap, while he played with her hair. They were so peaceful, laughing and talking about everything and nothing. Clarke learned about Bellamy’s job as a teacher, his dream of visiting Australia one day, that one time he cut his own hair and got in so much trouble, he even told her about his mother’s death. Somehow she felt as if she had known him her whole life. Bellamy listened while Clarke told him about why her favorite color was green, how she’s allergic to cats and how she makes the best hot chocolate ever…

Bellamy could have listened to her for hours, which he did. Her voice was so velvety smooth, with a slight rasp to it that he found so incredibly sexy. As he sat there, running his fingers through her soft hair he realized just how in love he was with this woman. He couldn’t stop looking at her, noticing and memorizing all the little details about her; like how much she moved her eyebrows while talking, the small gap between her teeth, the endless swirl of blue in her eyes, framed by long eyelashes, the dimple in her chin… she was breathtaking. Each and every part of this girl was breathtaking.

“… my mum made the best spaghetti Bolognese, we’d eat it every single Wednesday. Bellamy? Are you listening to me?”

He snapped out of his thoughts. “What? Yeah, of course.”

“Liar.” Clarke raised her eyebrows, laughing softly. “What are you thinking about?”

Smiling softly, Bellamy brushed his knuckles over her cheek. “Just how lucky I am.” He continued by her puzzled expression: “To have you here in my arms.”

Clarke blushed, biting down on her lip. “I’m the lucky one, Bell.”

Bellamy’s heart skipped a beat at the nickname. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“How did you… lose contact with your family?” He couldn’t help being curious. Losing contact with even just one family member was tough; he knew that from experience.

Clarke felt slightly uncomfortable. Slowly, she sat up and put a piece of hair behind her ear. ”I…”

”I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me.”

”No, I want to.” She looked at him, smiling weakly. ”My dad died a few years ago. He was a pilot and one day the plane crashed… exploded as it hit the ground. There were no survivors.”

Bellamy furrowed his brows, taking her hand in his.

”After that my mom went a little… crazy.” Clarke sighed. ”She became addicted to pills and eventually got sent to a psyche ward. I used to visit her as often as I could but… she got progressively worse, partly because of me. I reminded her too much of my dad and she couldn’t handle it so I stopped coming there.”

Without saying anything, Bellamy wrapped her up in his arms and that act alone meant more to Clarke than a thousand words. Feeling him close, she understood all that he wanted to say and it comforted her in ways nothing else could.

”I’m fine, though… really.” She said, as they pulled away.

Bellamy didn’t have time to answer, because both of their necks jerked towards the sound of the door opening.

”Bell, are you home?” Danielle’s voice called out from the hallway.

”Shit!” Bellamy looked at Clarke, pure panic reflecting his eyes.  
  
Clarke moved away from him to put some space between them. Danielle came into the living room, furrowing her brows at the sight of the blonde woman. ”Oh, I didn’t know we had company. Who’s this?”

Clarke was kind of taken aback by Bellamy’s girlfriend’s beauty, all she could do was stare for a moment. Jealousy burned within her, she didn’t know what she had expected Danielle to look like… all she knew was that she was exceeding her expectations.

”Oh, sorry!” She said, snapping out of it. ”My name’s Clarke. I ran into Bellamy earlier… I was terribly lost, since I’m not from here. He was nice enough to invite me over for a drink after he gave me directions.”

Out of the corner of her eye Clarke could see Bellamy raise an eyebrow, seeming impressed by her ability to easily lie.

”Okay…” Danielle looked slightly confused, but smiled. ”Nice to meet you, I’m Danielle. I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s been a long day so I’m just gonna change out of this goddamn dress.”

Clarke laughed softly. ”No worries, I should be on my way anyway…” She stood up, feeling uncomfortable in the presence of her ’soulmate’ and his girlfriend.

Bellamy stood up as well. ”I’ll walk you out.” He offered, following Clarke into the hallway where she put on her leather jacket. ”How can I get in touch with you?” He whispered.

She looked behind him to make sure Danielle was nowhere to be seen. She truly felt like ’the other woman’, something she never wanted to be. Cheating men were not people she liked to associate herself with. ”I… maybe it’s not a good idea.”

”Please.” Bellamy’s voice had that same desperation as she felt in her heart. She didn’t want to say goodbye to him… she couldn’t.

Clarke reached inside her pocket, taking out her phone. ”Put your number in here.”

He nodded, typing in his number and quickly handing it back to her as she did the same in his phone. ”Will you find your way back?”

”Yeah, don’t worry.” For some weird reason she felt like crying, because images of Bellamy and Danielle kissing, cuddling and sleeping next to each other flooded her mind.

He smiled sadly. ”I wish you could have stayed.”

”Yeah. See you.” She turned around, exiting the apartment and hurrying away from there.

While walking the now less crowded street, she inhaled the cool air, letting it calm her burning insides. How could she get on that plane in two days, knowing she had just met her soulmate… the person she was supposed to be with for the rest of her life?

The walk back to her hotel room took longer than usual, partly because she was kind of lost but mostly because she was distracted by her thoughts. She hadn’t even noticed how gloomy the weather had become, rain was practically hanging in the air once she reached the hotel. By the time she was seated by the window it was falling heavily. Clarke didn’t mind, she quite enjoyed the rain… maybe that was because it rained a lot in England so she’d gotten used to it. Either way, she found it comforting to watch the raindrops chase one another down the glass. Closing her eyes, she tried gathering her thoughts… tried to picture a way for her to leave two days from now. It seemed simple in theory: just grab the bags, take a cab to the airport… get on the damn plane and never look back. Go back to the gang, the shitty apartment and Octavia. It had always been enough, so who says it wouldn’t be now?

But God, those brown eyes. That beautiful smile, that nose… scattered with freckles, almost like stardust; because Bellamy Blake was not from this world, he must be from outer space. Beauty like that doesn’t just appear under usual circumstances.

Though this wasn’t a usual circumstance. This man, who she had never met before, had been haunting her dreams for weeks. It had been hard to wake up from those dreams, to realize that he wasn’t real… but now, to know that he _is_ real, to have _touched_ him… it was nearly unbearable to part from him. There was no way she would be able to. She was no longer in control. It was faith or God or whoever; they had taken over and Clarke knew better than to try fight higher forces, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to. Why fight something that was clearly supposed to be?

Right… it was the girlfriend thing, Danielle. It was also the fact that she was a criminal, a murderer to be exact. How could they get around that? Bellamy seemed like such a great person, he probably had a hard time killing flies. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration… but compared to Clarke he seemed like a saint.  
Though Clarke didn’t know him, like at all. Maybe he had more skeletons in the closet than what he allowed people to see? Maybe he could love her after all. Maybe they could work it out.

Her phone beeped, startling her and waking her from the daydream. ”Fucking hell…” She muttered under her breath as she grabbed the phone. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw his name across the screen. Biting her lip, she considered not reading it, to try to fight this goddamn temptation. Rolling her eyes, she swiped her thumb across the screen. Who the hell was she trying to kid?

_Hi. Sorry about Danielle, I would have loved to continue our conversation… maybe over coffee tomorrow? -B._

Fuck, if she didn’t get a goofy smile across her face. Like a teenager texting her first crush in high school. It was ridiculous and so far from who she was… but Bellamy seemed to lure out sides of her she thought had died long ago.

_It’s fine, don’t worry about it. How does morning coffee sound? -C._

-

”What are you smiling about?” Danielle asked, joining Bellamy on the couch.

Bellamy looked up at her and quickly clicked away his and Clarke’s conversation. ”Oh, nothing. Just saw a really cute… dog.”

”Oh, really? I love dogs, let me see!”

”Yeah… it’s gone now, can’t find it.” God, he was such a bad liar.

Danielle frowned. ”Okay…” She shrugged, changing the subject, leaning against his shoulder. ”I’m exhausted.”

”Yeah? You wanna go to bed?”

”Soon.” She yawned, wrapping her arms around his muscular one. ”I wanna talk to you first. I feel like we never do that anymore…”

”Okay.” Bellamy whispered, clearing his throat. ”How was your day?”

He could feel Danielle’s smile against his arm as she answered. ”It was good, but tiring. Lots and lots of costumers… annoying customers.”

Laughing softly, he nodded. ”I see.”

”How was your day?”

”It was… interesting.” He said, feeling his heart skip a beat as he thought of Clarke.

”Oh, right. That woman… Clarke, was it? She seemed sweet.”

Bellamy nodded once more. ”Yeah, she was.”

”Poor girl, getting lost in this maze of a city. Was she here by herself?” Danielle closed her eyes, getting more tired by the second, which relieved Bellamy. He felt very uncomfortable discussing Clarke with his girlfriend…

”I don’t know. I think so.”

”Hmm…” Danielle hummed. ”We should invite her over for dinner or something, keep her company.”

Bellamy swallowed thickly. ”Wouldn’t that be weird? I mean, we’re just… strangers.”

”Don’t be rude, Bell.” She said sleepily, yawning again. ”We can always ask.”

This was another thing he admired about Danielle; her kindness. She was always so sweet to everyone. Unless they were rude to her of course, then she would bite their head off. Though this damn kindness of hers just made him feel more guilty.

”Of course, we can always ask…”


	18. Chapter 18

Breathing heavily, hot smoke escaping her lips with each puff of nervous breath, Clarke stood outside said coffee shop exactly eleven hours later. She was nervous for some reason, as if she was doing something illegal. She almost laughed, says the girl with a trunk filled with drug money in her hotel room. Criminal acts hardly fazed her anymore, more so excited her… like a rush of adrenaline. This scared the crap out of her. She didn’t do feelings and she certainly didn’t do affairs.

Was this an affair, though? Yes, yes it fucking was. As long as Bellamy is in a relationship it is an affair. They for sure needed to talk about that today, Clarke decided.

Just as the thought crossed her mind, he came walking towards her. She spotted him instantly, despite the busy street. Bellamy looked handsome as ever, dressed in a dark coat, hands stuffed in the pockets and a scarf wrapped around his neck. His messy curls were teasing his sparkling eyes.

As he reached her, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. ”Good morning.”

”What are you doing?” Clarke stepped away from him, looking around with wide eyes. He looked puzzled so she continued: ”Don’t you have friends here? What would they say if they saw you getting cozy with another girl?”

Bellamy looked sheepish, his eyes falling to the ground. ”Right, sorry. I shouldn’t have done that…”

”Just- let’s get inside, it’s bloody freezing out here.” Clarke muttered under her breath and pushed the door open to the warm café. Inside it smelled delicious of pastries and freshly brewed coffee.

”I’ll go get us some coffee, you’ll have a caramel latte, right?”

”Yeah- wait, how did you know my coffee order?”

Bellamy furrowed his brows, wondering himself how the hell he knew that. ”I… I don’t know. I just did.”

Clarke stared at him for a moment. ”Maybe it’s a… soulmate thing.”

”Yeah, it must be…”

Not knowing what else to say, Clarke went over to one of the C-shaped couches in the back of the café and took a seat. She decided to keep her leather jacket on as she was still freezing from the cold morning air. A few minutes later Bellamy returned with two coffees in his hands and placed one in front of Clarke before sitting down opposite of her.

”How much was it?” She asked, reaching for her wallet.

Shaking his head, Bellamy took a sip of his coffee. ”It’s on me.”

”Alright, fine.” She wrapped her fingers around the cup, humming pleasantly as she felt the warmth spread through her hands and the delicious scent of caramel fill her nostrils.

It was still the weirdest thing for the both of them to have the other person sit opposite of them. Up until yesterday it had all been a dream, a possibility that may not happen at all… now everything was so incredibly, terrifyingly, amazingly real. Almost as if they had to make sure they were no longer dreaming, they reached out and entwined their fingers underneath the table. Warm skin touching, sending electric jolts through their limbs that caused hearts to skip several beats… yeah, this was definitely real.

”I…” Clarke began but pausing to choose her words wisely. Sighing, she let go of Bellamy’s hand under the table to reach into her purse, taking out a piece of paper and put it on the table in front of him.

Bellamy looked at it for a moment, seeming confused. ”This is a plane ticket to…” He looked closer. ”… to London?” Looking up at her, realization spread over his face and he gripped the ticket with both hands to read further. ”Departing tomorrow at 12:45 pm.”

Nodding, Clarke bit down on her lip. There was no escaping the fact that she was indeed meant to leave tomorrow and she had to, no matter how badly she may want to stay. She was on a mission and that could not be ignored, the money needed to be delivered to her gang. It was not only about her life; right now she was responsible for the future of all of them. They were already running low on whatever savings they had and without this money they would for sure get kicked out on the street. Certainly her friends would be able to handle it, for all of them had been in far worse situations before… but they were her family, her home. She couldn’t do that to them, even if her soulmate was sitting across from her in this moment, silently begging her with his eyes not to go.

”Please don’t.” His voice was even more pleading than his eyes. ”Please, I… we haven’t had any time.”

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, she once more had to pause to choose her words. ”I have to. I haven’t told you everything - and I still can’t right now - but I’m not here on vacation, Bell. I need to go back to London… maybe I can return once I’ve dropped off what I’m supposed to but still, you have a girlfriend. Am I supposed to fly back across the earth to be your mistress? I don’t think so.”

The last part was a bit harsh and she regretted it as soon as it left her mouth. He looked hurt and somehow that hurt her too, almost to the point where she wanted to itch at her chest where the pain was located.

”I would never ask you to be my mistress, Clarke.” His expression went from hurt to angry, he leaned back, arms crossing over his chest in a protective manner. ”And I wouldn’t do that to Danielle either.”

”Fuck, I know. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that.” She sighed, her elbows resting on the table as she ran both hands through her blonde locks.

He leaned forward once more, expression softening as he reached out and placed a hand on her arm. ”Hey, look…” He sighed. ”If you need to go back to London, then go. Obviously whatever this is about, it’s very important to you and I would never want to cause you any form of trouble.”

Clarke looked up at him, smiling ever so slightly in gratitude for being so understanding.

”While you’re back in London, I’ll speak to Danielle… so that when we meet again she and I will no longer be together.”

It did send a wave of relief through her, to hear him say that, but it still didn’t feel as good as she thought. He looked sad as he said it and she knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want to break up with Danielle, it was simply because he didn’t want to hurt her. ”What will you tell her?”

”The truth.” He said, without hesitation. He met Clarke’s gaze. ”I’ll tell her that we’re soulmates and that I can’t be with her anymore, because I’m not supposed to.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “Does she believe in the theory?”

“Not really...” Blaine sighed. “I mean there are lots of sceptics to the theory so not everyone told their children of it. I know her parents did, but she seems to think of it as some fairytale.”

Biting down on her lip, Clarke nodded once more. “So it won’t be as easy you hoped?”

“Oh, I never dared to hope for that.” Bellamy admitted. “I know she’s going to hate me.”

“You really think so?”

Bellamy nodded, his gaze dropping to his hands. “Yeah. I mean, who can blame her? I’ve strung her along for months now…”

“Hey, you obviously love her a lot.” Clarke reached out, giving his hand a squeeze before letting it go. “She knows that and she has to know you would never do anything to purposely hurt her.”

“I really wouldn’t.” He dragged a hand down his face. “I do love her, Clarke. She’s one of the most important people in my life.”

Clarke smiled softly and for the first time her stomach didn’t twist in jealousy hearing about Danielle. She finally began to understand their relationship and how important they were to each other. Danielle was no threat to her because at the end of the day Clarke was Bellamy’s soulmate, but that didn’t make Danielle any less important to him and Clarke found herself being completely fine with that. What kind of awful person would she be if she wasn’t?

“I know.” She murmured, sipping her coffee. “I’m sorry, Bellamy.”

He smiled sadly. “Hey, this is supposed to be a happy coffee date. Let’s save the boring stuff for another time.”

“Okay.” Clarke laughed. Just then her phone beeped.

_Clarke, we have a problem. Can I call you right now? -Murphy._

Frowning, she read the message. She felt her stomach clench uncomfortable. Fuck, what could have gone wrong?

“I’m sorry, I have to take this. I’ll just be a few minutes.” She apologized.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just… I really need to take this.”

“Of course. Go ahead.” He smiled.

Clarke smiled apologetically and walked into the smoking area of the café, which was currently empty. She dialed Murphy.

_“Clarke?”_

“Yes, it’s me. What’s wrong?”

_“You have to get on a plane today. I emailed you the tickets, it leaves in two hours.”_

“What? Why? What’s happening?”

_“It’s Octavia. She was shot… it doesn’t look good. Just come home, Clarke. Come home."_

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Everything was a blur. The cab ride back to the hotel, the grabbing of the bags and the fake passport, the rush through the airport and the entire plane ride was one panicked, anxious distortion. Clarke didn’t even have time to worry about getting caught with such big amounts of money but thankfully she got through security just fine.

  
All that was on Clarke’s mind was Octavia… Octavia’s green eyes, dark hair, green apple scent and infectious smile. Unwanted images of bullet wounds flashed before her eyes and it made her want to vomit right on the airport in London. Murphy stood outside, waiting for her beside a car. His face was white and his eyes scarily serious, it made that lump in Clarke’s throat grow bigger, suffocating her.

  
“How is she?”

  
Murphy swallowed thickly, letting out a breath through his nose. “She’s in surgery.”

  
“What the hell happened?” Clarke sounded accusing, which was not intended. Murphy didn’t comment on it, as he knew how much Octavia meant to her.

  
“I’ll tell you in the car. Get in.” He took the bags from her and put them in the trunk, before getting into the driver’s seat. “I’ll drop you off at the hospital, I have to take care of the money… I can’t have them laying in the car.”

  
Clarke nodded, though she was barely paying attention. “What happened, Murphy?”

  
“Octavia and Jasper were going together to check out a new potential storage hall for our weed plants. Since the rent was so cheap, you can imagine the neighborhood it was located in…” He sighed. “Some addicts had broken in and was apparently staying there. When Jasper and Octavia came in they got scared. They were probably already high and hallucinating so one of them just started firing away and Octavia, who went in first, got hit.”

  
Closing her eyes, she gathered herself enough to not yell. “Why the fuck did you let them go into a neighborhood like that? We know the risks, didn’t you learn from getting stabbed in the leg last year?” She spoke through gritted teeth, her hands folding into fists.

  
Murphy kept his eyes on the road, his expression unreadable. “This whole lifestyle is taking risks, Clarke. You could have gotten killed from the man you met in New York-“

  
“Yeah, but that was worth 50 000 pounds!” She raised her voice. “This was about a bloody storage hall!”

  
“Growing and selling marijuana is about 40% of our income, so it’s not just a ‘bloody storage hall’.”

  
Clarke’s knuckles were whitening. “You could have found someplace else! You’re behaving like fucking amateurs!”

  
“What do you want me to say, Clarke?!” For the first time, Murphy was yelling. “They were armed and they had each other, we have handled far worse situations with those circumstances! But shit fucking happens, sometimes things don’t go as planned and considering our current financial situation we needed someplace cheap!”

  
Tears were stinging her eyes as she listened to him. She knew he wasn’t to blame, none of them were. This was part of this way of living, you could do your best to avoid it but sometimes things go wrong and you get caught, hurt or sometimes even killed. But when the adrenaline is pumping through your veins, when you have your friends by your side you sometimes forget, until tragedy strikes and you are painfully reminded of what it means to live like this.  
Being a criminal meant lots of sacrifices, it meant putting yourself at risk all the time. But it also formed the closest of bonds with people since you needed to trust one another completely in life- and death situations, which you were faced with all the time, unlike ‘ordinary people’. It was both the most amazing and exhilarating thing but also exhausting and terrifying. But at the end of the day they all made a choice when they formed their ‘gang’, they all knew the risks and what it meant… yet they all chose each other and Clarke knew that they all would a thousand times again, even if it meant their death.

  
Coming into the hospital, they saw Jasper pacing around in the waiting area. Monty was sitting on a chair, still not healed enough to join the other boy in his stressful pacing.

  
“Thank God you’re here, they won’t tell us anything!” Jasper exclaimed, his eyes wide and annoyed. “I’ve asked so many times but they won’t budge.”

  
Clarke narrowed her eyes, her gaze landing on a nurse standing by the reception, looking at some papers. “We’ll see about that.” She murmured, walking up to her.

  
The nurse looked to be in her thirties with long, dark hair in a ponytail and thick bangs hovering above her blue eyes. She looked up, giving Clarke a small smile. “Can I help you, miss?”

  
“Yeah, you can.” Clarke said, trying to keep her voice steady. “My name is Clarke Griffin and I want to know what’s going on with Octavia Blake. Is she okay?”

  
“Are you a family member?” The nurse asked.

  
Clarke shut her eyes for a moment, her fists clenching and releasing. “No.”

  
“Are you her spouse?”

  
“No.”

  
“Then I’m sorry. Unless you’re family or married, I can’t tell you anything.” She said, looking genuinely apologetic.

  
Clarke narrowed her green eyes, giving the nurse her deadliest stare as she took a step closer. The nurse’s eyes widened momentarily in fright before she recovered herself and tried to remain impassive. Clarke realized she was slightly taller than the woman and looked down on her.

  
“Look, lady. I am the closest thing to family that she has.” She spoke in a too sweet, too calm voice. “So now you’re going to tell me everything you know about her.”

  
The nurse took a step back, frowning. “I already told you, miss, that I cannot-“

  
She was interrupted by Clarke’s fist slamming into the reception desk beside her, her eyes not leaving the dark-haired woman’s face. She flinched from the sound and inhaled sharply.

  
“DO I LOOK LIKE I’M HERE TO PLAY GAMES?” Clarke screamed, her emotions running over the edge and all the worry, anxiety and anger came bursting out. A whole range of profanities and demands to see Octavia poured uncontrollably out of her mouth until she felt Jasper’s arms wrap around her waist and pull her away from the nurse, who yelled something about ‘calling security next time’ before she walked away.

  
“Are you insane?” Jasper said, holding onto her shoulders and giving her a slight shake.

  
Tears were pouring down Clarke’s face, blurring her vision. “Fuck you, Jasper.” She sobbed.

  
“I know you’re worried. Fuck, we all are, Clarke! But you need to calm down before you ruin all of our chances of finding out anything about her condition!” He spoke calmly but gently.

  
Clarke was trembling with anger, but she took a few shaky breaths and steadied herself. “Please let go of me.”

  
Jasper’s hands were instantly gone. He sighed. “Where’s Murphy?”

  
“Went to… deal with the money.” She murmured absentmindedly. “Jasper, where was she shot?”

  
The look on his face told her that the memory was very painful for him. “Her chest…”

  
“Fuck.” Clarke felt a wave of nausea wash over her and her head began to spin. She stumbled over to where Monty was sitting and collapsed on the chair next to him. Resting her elbows on her thighs, she leaned forward and buried her face in her hands.

  
Monty sighed, placing his hand on her back. “She’s strong. She’ll be okay.”

  
Clarke didn’t answer, though she appreciated Monty’s gesture. She was sure that if she opened her mouth she’d scream.

  
“I’m going to get some coffee… it’s been ten hours and-“

  
“No, I get it. Go, Monty.” She looked up, giving him a reassuring nod. Mostly she just wanted him to shut up. “I’ll be okay.”

  
“Do you want one?” He asked.

  
She nodded slightly and he offered her a small smiled before he left. It was actually kind of a relief being left alone. She had always wanted to be left alone when she was sad, ever since she was a child. Maybe it had something to do with her fear of opening up to her mother after she started getting ill, but either way this was who she was.

  
Not long after Monty left her phone beeped, the name of her soulmate lighting up her screen. Despite the tragic situation her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

  
_What happened? I’m worried about you. You left in such a rush. Did you land safely? Please call me. -B_

  
How the hell was she supposed to answer that? She couldn’t call him because she knew she’d break down of she did. Sighing, she began typing out an answer.

  
_I’m sorry, Bell. Right now is really not a good time but I’m okay, I promise. I’ll call you soon. Please don’t worry about me. -C_

  
Not even a minute later her phone beeped.

  
_I understand. Please take care of yourself. -B_

  
She smiled ever so slightly.

  
_You too. -C_

  
She put her phone away, sighing deeply once more. She wished with all her heart that she could just pour her heart out to him, but she couldn’t. She hadn’t even told him the slightest about her way of living yet and she had no idea how he would take it. Right now was definitely not the right time for her to handle potential judgement, therefor she didn’t tell him anything.

  
-

  
Bellamy sighed as he read Clarke’s last text. Even though he respected her privacy, she had sounded so bewildered on the phone a few hours ago that he had been desperate to know what was going on. He had been worried out of his mind and while her texting him saying she’s okay calmed him slightly, it wasn’t enough. Somewhere inside him he felt that it wasn’t the whole truth, he was… hurting somehow.

  
He had been so unfocused at work because of his worry for Clarke, a student had even asked him if he was alright.

  
“Baby, are you home?” Danielle’s voice called out as she entered their apartment.

  
Bellamy snapped out of his thoughts. “Yeah, I’m in the living room.”

  
The sound of heels clinking against wooden floors edged closer. Bellamy looked up at her. She was wearing a black blazer with a matching pencil skirt and bright red heels, similar color to her lipstick. She sat down and placed her hand on his, kissing his cheek.

  
“Are you okay, Bell?” She asked, voice soft.

  
He sighed deeply and, for once, he decided to be honest. “No, Dani, I’m not.”

  
“What’s wrong?” Her thumb ran over his knuckles in a soothing pattern.

  
Swallowing thickly, he looked away from her. It was hard staring into those brown eyes, knowing what he was about to do would make them so sad.

  
“Bellamy, please.”

  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’ve been the worst boyfriend to you.”

  
Danielle was silent for a moment, before speaking. “Are you talking about the dreams?”

  
“Yes. There’s that and…” He sighed again. “I haven’t been honest with you.”

  
“About what?” She asked apprehensively.

  
Bellamy stood up and went into their bedroom, opening the drawer of the nightstand where he’d kept the book. He went back into the living room and placed _the_ book on Danielle’s lap.

  
She stared at it for a moment, frowning. “’Chasing Dreams’?”

  
“Yes.” He nodded. “Remember when we talked about that a while ago?”

  
“I think so, yeah.” She shrugged.

  
Bellamy inhaled and exhaled slowly. “Everything in that book is true.”

  
Danielle raised both eyebrows, looking at him. When she said nothing, Bellamy continued:

  
“The dreams, the woman… she’s real.” His eyes began to water. “And as these dreams have become stronger my love for her has grown and I… I fell out of love with you.”

  
Her entire expression remained impassive, as if he was simply talking about his day. He had almost expected her to fall apart, despite knowing how strong she is. There is only so much a person can take.

  
“Please say something.”

  
Danielle’s gaze momentarily dropped to her hands. “It was her, the woman who was here, wasn’t it?” She looked up at him again.

  
“Yes.” He whispered. “You knew?”

  
She exhaled shakily, the first sign that she was emotional. “No, lucky guess.” She said dryly, standing up, pacing in silence for a minute.

  
“I’m not stupid, you know.” She said, stopping and looking at him. “I’ve felt you fading away from me… at first I didn’t know why and it scared me. I thought you were having an affair, that I wasn’t doing enough or being enough for you.”

  
“That’s not-“

  
“I know it’s not.” She said, raising her hand to interrupt him. “I was looking for something one day and I opened your drawer, and I… I saw the book.” She pointed at it.

  
Danielle paused, running her hands through her hair, trying to collect herself. “I started reading it, I don’t know why… and I just noticed how all of it seemed to fit in on you and how you were acting. But I- I… it scared me, Bell. Because if that were true, it would mean that you weren’t my soulmate.

  
“So I tried to convince myself that it was just a stupid theory and I tried so hard to get you to come back to me, but it’s like… the harder I tried the further away you seemed to g-get.” Her voice broke. “And eventually I had to… I had to realize that maybe this insane book is real. Maybe all of it is- and what that would mean for me. So I’ve just been… waiting, because a tiny part of me was hoping that maybe you would come back to me, that maybe it wasn’t real after all.”

  
Bellamy felt tears run down his cheeks but mostly he felt the guilt building within him, eating away at his insides.

  
“I’m- you have every right to hate me.” He looked at her, seeing tears pour from her eyes.

  
“Hate you?” She sat down next to him, slapping his arm as she sniffled. “Hate you?! I fucking love you, Bellamy! I saw myself marrying you, carrying your children you stupid fucking idiot!” She kept hitting his arm, but not hard enough to actually hurt him.

  
He grabbed her wrists, though she kept trying to hit at him as she cried, and he forced her in for a hug.

  
“No! Stop, you don’t get to fucking hug me-“ She tried to push him off.

  
“Please, stop, please Dani-“

  
She cried into his chest, grasping onto his shirt while he just held her and cried into her hair, inhaling her coconut scent. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but it felt like hours. As much as they were both hurting, they were in need for comfort and in that moment there was no other person either of them wanted to hold.

  
-

  
Forty minutes had passed since Clarke put her phone away. She was staring into space, holding the coffee Monty had gotten for her in her hands. It had gone cold, she had barely been able to drink it. After the first sip she had felt absolutely nauseous. Both Jasper and Murphy had returned, but she had barely said two words to either of them.

  
Her eyes caught a figure with long, dark hair and she immediately looked up from the spot she had been staring at. It was the nurse she had screamed at. Sighing, Clarke put the coffee down on the table and stood up.

  
“Where are you going?” Monty asked.

  
“I’m just going to talk to the nurse again.“

  
Jasper looked up at her, frowning.

  
“I’m going to… apologize.” Clarke swallowed her pride, walking up to the woman.

  
The nurse looked up with a smile but it fell instantly as she saw who was standing in front of her. “I’ll call security-“

  
“I’m not gonna yell.” Clarke interrupted. “Look, I’m sorry about my previous behavior. But I had been on an eight-hour flight from New York because I heard that Octavia had been hurt. She’s my girlfriend and I’m worried sick, I wasn’t thinking straight. Please… can you just tell me something, I’m begging you.”

  
The girlfriend part might not have been entirely true, but it sounded better than saying just ‘friend’. The woman looked at Clarke for a moment before sighing, nodding.

  
“I accept your apology.” She said. “Look, I spoke to the doctor a few minutes ago. All I can say is… I’d keep her in my prayers tonight.”

  
TBC


End file.
